Starry-Eyed

When Mr. Pants and I boarded our flight in Houston on Saturday, I had NO idea there would be individual TVs on the plane.  Then I saw the All-Star Game Skills Competition was on.  I may have screamed.  One swipe of the AMEX later, I was sitting an inch from the screen with a huge smile on my face.

Mr. Pants: “What are you so happy about?”

Obviously he doesn’t share my pain in missing a week of hockey and the ASG Draft, or as we prefer to think of it, The WUYS Bachelor Auction.  I’m sure it was great.  And I saw they put Letang in the front row because even he can only get away with tripping once.

The Elimination Shootout started as we reached cruising altitude.  Stamkos stepped up… and the pilot came on the PA talking about miles programs and tail winds and how, if you looked out the right side, you could see a chicken in Mississippi riding a bicycle.  He talked the ENTIRE TIME!   We almost had an incident with Homeland Security.  Plus the seatbelt sign was on forever and I really had to pee.

During the post-win interview, I lost it and said, “Stop touching him, Pierre!” really loud.  Unless Pierre has scissors, though it doesn’t look like he’d know how to cut hair.

Hands off the merchandise, Troll.

Also, it’s not easy to watch Nealmobile do Accuracy Shooting when it’s illegal for me to scream, run around or throw things.  As I watch back through the coverage, the ASG never fails to be a highlight of the season.  It brainwashes me into a maniac who thinks things like:

Red heads in pink shirts?  Sure, why not!  Too bad no one could straighten it out before shooting.  Unless Giroux’s going to tear it off, it shouldn’t be stretched like that.  My inner publicist cringes.  (Note: That plaid jacket still needs to go. Along with Neal’s. Were they on sale in Ontario at some point?)

Carey Price is funny.  And charming.  I didn’t think this could get worse.

Scott Hartnell + the Sedins = my nightmare.  Except it’s fantastic.

And some things’s don’t surprise.  Henrik Lundqvist puts everyone to shame, in every category.

If you didn’t think Patrick Kane would steal the show then you must be new around here.

My tights are underneath.

As always, the awkward prom photos.  Everyone is cringing about talking to fathers and having to

See you at the prom party, Segs.

Logan can pick us up in his new car.

 What did you guys think?  No Crosby, Toews, Green, Backstrom, zero Staals.  Still everything you hoped for?  And share your favorite bits, because I probably missed them!

When they show a hockey player…DRINK!

All-Star Weekend is our 2nd favorite time of the year here at WUYS (behind the awkberg assemblage that is the NHL Awards) and since Pants is off on her honeymoon getting all tan, hanging with monkeys, drinking umbrella drinks and being all in lurve, it’s going to be really lonely around here this weekend.

So to brighten my spirits and entertain myself for the next few days,  I’ve devised a little All-Star Weekend Drinking Game.

Because, really nothing says “fun” like hockey, hockey players, and a little booze.

Just ask Patrick Kane.  Or Brad Marchand.  Or Tyler Seguin.

from thehockeyjunkies.blogspot.com

from dirtydangle.com

 

The All-Star Weekend Drinking Game
(suitable for all events – Fantasy Draft, Skills Competition, & the game itself)

• When they show a player laughing…drink.
• When they show a player taking a photo/video…drink
• When they cut to Phil Kessel…drink.
• When they show the Sedin Twins…drink.
• When the last player is selected…throw your hands up in the air.  Then drink.
• When they mention a player out “due to injury”…make a sad face.  Then drink.
• When a player goes to block a shot…scream “SACRIFICE YOUR BODY!”
• When Kris Letang goes to block a shot…scream “NOT THE FACE!”
• If they get hurt…finish the bottle.
• When they show any hockey bromance…say “Awwwww”. Then drink.
• When they show a player with beautiful hockey flow…whip your hair back and forth.  Then drink.
• When someone falls down during the Fastest Skater competition…drink.
• If its a goalie…drink twice.
• When someone passes the 100mph mark during the Hardest Shot competition…drink.
• When someone goes 4 for 4 on the Accuracy competition…drink.
• When someone does something crazy during the Elimination Shootout…drink.

I have a feeling I’m going to get really drunk this weekend…

So, WUYSers, what other rules would you add to your ASG Drinking Game?

ASG Fantasy Draft

Tonight, we’ll find out who’ll be the Phil Kessel of the 2012 All Star game.  (Perhaps it’ll be Phil Kessel.  That would be amazing.)

At 8pm tonight, fifty of the best hockey players in the world (38 NHL All-Stars and 12 top rookies) will be up for selection in the Player Fantasy Draft.  All-stars and rookies will be divided into two teams  – Team Alfredsson (aka Team Pants), led by captain Daniel Alfredsson and assistant captain Henrik Lundqvist, and Team Chara (aka Team Chuck), led by captain Zdeno “Z-Big” Chara and assistant captain Joffrey Lupul.

Quick refresher on how the Fantasy Draft works…

• A coin toss will decide first pick, with Alfredsson and Chara, joined by their assistant captains, alternately drafting the All-Stars through 19 rounds
• Each team will consist of three goaltenders, six defensemen and 12 forwards
• Each team’s three goalies must be picked by the end of Round 10
• Each team’s six defensemen must be picked by the conclusion of Round 15
• The 12 Rookies will be divided by the National Hockey League into two groups of six.  At the completion of the 15th round of the draft, one NHL Rookie will be selected to choose which All-Star team his group will join for the skills competition
• As a reward (consolation?), the final player selected in the draft will have $20,000 donated to the grassroots hockey program of his choice

So who’s up for grabs?

 

Jamie Benn	Logan Couture
Pavel Datsyuk	Jordan Eberle
Marian Gaborik	Claude Giroux
Scott Hartnell	Marian Hossa
Jarome Iginla	Patrick Kane
Phil Kessel	Evgeni Malkin
Milan Michalek	James Neal
Corey Perry	Jason Pominville
Daniel Sedin	Henrik Sedin
Tyler Seguin	Jason Spezza
Steven Stamkos	John Tavares
Brian Campbell	Alexander Edler
Dan Girardi	Erik Karlsson
Kris Letang	Dion Phaneuf
Ryan Suter	Kimmo Timonen
Shea Weber	Dennis Wideman
Keith Yandle	Brian Elliott
Jonathan Quick	Tim Thomas
Carey Price	Jimmy Howard

After he was selected as a captain, Chara did mention that he was going to take this draft very seriously and do as much research as possible, so it will be interesting to see what his strategy will be.  Think he hit up Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli for some pointers?

Will he take his teammate & Vezina winning goaltender Tim Thomas with the first pick?  Or will the events of this week and the recent revelation that Thomas does not have many friends amoungst his teammates sway Chara’s decision?

Now I’m no prognosticator, but I can tell you what you will see tonight.

• Ridiculous amounts of awkwardness.
• The Sedins  on different teams.
• Kris Letang’s hair looking awesome.
• James Neal’s hair looking like a porcupine.
• Scott Hartnell’s hair looking like a hot mess cavewoman hooker.
• Tight bums.
• Patrick Kane calling Toews to tell him he misses him.
• Awkward interview with last two players remaining.

One thing you won’t see…

And I for one, am gonna miss this.

Derp.

 

Pass the Mistletoe

Christmas, I love you.  You are the perfect excuse for madcap hilarity from NHL teams featuring the only singing on Earth that is confirmed worse than mine (thanks Marian Hossa).

Oh my God, it goes on forever!  This is the kind of stuff Gator and I come up with during intermissions at Caps games.  Get it “Wherever it is you’d buy something like this.”

On his way to becoming a creepy mall Santa.

If the Blackhawks wanted us to have a really great Christmas, their bus would break down outside the WUYS office at the very beginning of a snowstorm that trapped us for days.  Obviously we’d be stocked up on Whachamacallits and magically have access to the deli downstairs.  Since the weather is calling for low 50’s, we’ll settle for the CD.

"Hey baby, meet me on the roof."

Don’t forget to check your mail for Christmas cards from the Madhouse this year [all cards here]:

Best Week Ever: Patrick Sharp

Patrick Sharp has pretty much been having the BEST. WEEK. EVER.

First, he and his wife Abby welcomed a baby girl, Madelyn Grace, on Friday.

Officially a DILF.

Early Sunday, the proud papa brought her daughter and wife home.

Sunday night, he scored his 2nd straight overtime game winner in a row to beat the Sharks 3-2. [Watch it here.]

“It was a pretty emotional goal,” Sharp said. “It was tough to focus on hockey with so much going on back home. We have a great locker room. It’s pretty easy to turn things off when you come to the rink, but I was space cadet the whole game.”

Now that Sharpie is a dad, he’s going to need babysitters, right?

Personally, we think that Toews would be an excellent babysitter.  There would be lots of story time and coloring, games of hokey pokey and tea time.

Story time with Uncle Jonathan

 

Kane, on the other hand…not so much.   It would probably include running around and  jumping off of furniture.  Although, we’re pretty positive that if Madelyn wanted to dress Kane up and make his hair all pretty with bows and clips, he wouldn’t object.

Dude, seriously. What's with this baby?

Toews for MVP

It’s not too early to nominate Jonathan Toews for the Hart Trophy.

The Blackhawks were down 3-0 to Phoenix last night, early in the second period.  Tazer scored twice in seven minutes then set Kaner up a few minutes later for a game-tying goal that would hold into an eventual shootout loss.  It was a BAMF performance, one of so many Toews puts on they are hard to count.  And it made me look really cool for wearing my #19 shirt to the gym just hours before.  Toews’ post-game interview from last night: video.

Toews leads the NHL in goals, Kane leads in assists.  The Hawks are first in their division and third overall in the League.

Well hello, FLORIDA.

I swear he puts the puck in the net by will.  It’s like a magical power that continues to work only because he doesn’t abuse it.  When the Hawks need it, Toews rises to the occasion.  Oh captain, my captain…

WUYS Morning News

Mike Green didn’t make the trip to Winnipeg with the Caps, but he did take his sprained ankle to the Kid Rock show in DC last night.  He wore his only favorite sweater (seriously, he wears this more than Toews wears that suit) and that hat that makes me want to throw snowballs.  Money was raised for Mike’s So Kids Can charity.  Gator is from the D and she wanted to go, but instead we worked, A.K.A. watched Breaking Dawn, ate snacks and yelled back at the screen.  Good times all around.

At least Kid Rock looks excited.

Chicago beat Vancouver (ooh, say it again!) 5-2 with a couple of wacky bouncers.  Kaner, Hossa, Montador and Toews all had 2-point games.  And for anyone who didn’t cringe when we made Patrick Kane a Foxy Friday, he’s got a new One Goal commercial [link].

Brendan starched another shirt and Shanabanned Blues’ Chris Stewart three games for boarding Wings’ Niklas Kronwall.  This one’s ugly.

NHL.com used my favorite phrase as a headline.  Sadly it’s about Ilya Kovalchuk.  I watched this hoping actual pants would fall, but alas there is only a very pretty goal.

The Islanders introduced their third jerseys, which are pretty standard.  They’re worlds better than this yellow mess Nashville adopted, but no amount of fashion changes the fact you are still the Islanders (sorry).

The red-hot Bruins put their 6 game win streak on the line tonight vs. Blue Jackets.  Seguin’s on fire (Chuck loves) and leads the NHL in plus/minus rating with +15.  (Don’t mind EStaal down at the bottom with -18.)  Speaking of bottom of the barrel, Columbus is 3-13-1 with only 7 points on the season.  Now that I’ve said that, they’ll probably win.

Team Jacob

The Penguins are in Tampa Bay tonight and Sid will not play.  Errrrbody calm down (obviously I mean me).  Disco Dan would not comment on Saturday’s game – could Sid return?  I want him back this instant, but am also willing to await a triumphant debut in DC on 12/1 when I’m getting booed for wearing my 87 at Verizon Center.  It would be like a romantic comedy: Sid taking the ice, me dodging flying food, then Pens winning.  I can see it now.

James Neal will of course play tonight, and he’s got a 7-game point streak going (ties longest of his career).  JStaal has three goals in two games.  Stamkos and Neal are tied will 11 goals, and I like to think this means bromance rivalry.

Now boys, don't fight.

Only 8 hours 10 minutes till game time.

Hi there, stranger.

While we have been busy with Mikey getting hurt and Tyler Seguin pouring it on and James Neal scoring daily, the Blackhawks are the #1 team in the NHL with 25 points (11-4-3).

Tazer was the NHL’s Third Star for last week, with two 2-goal games to help the Hawks win three in a row.  Jon has a team-leading 9 goals plus 6 assists on the season.

Here’s Jon talking about the 4-1 in over Calgary [link] and 6-3 over Edmonton [link].  How does no one mention the giant orange microphone?  It looks like a sneaker and it’s practically up his nose.  At least he smiles (eventually) – I almost fell asleep listening to that deep voice spouting sports cliches.

And just in time for the holidays, this perfect gift for (me) all your friends (me).  They should come as a 2-pack or buy-one-get-one or something.  And Kaner should have a mullet.

from ultravioletnina3.tumblr.com

Now get to it and vote Tazer for the All-Star Game.  Maybe he’ll get picked really late in the draft again and we can make fun of him for daysever.

Not this again.

Dear Frustrated Superstar

Hahaha, I thought this was the commercial that plays before the video starts.  But it is the video!  Patrick Kane Discover Card commercial [link]

Girls, my credit card is maxed out. I need a ride.

Patrick, you got drunk and gave it to us last night.

Very funny. Come get me.

Great party though.  Too bad you fell asleep.  All that fun and only Toews to hang out with… he may never recover.

But I was Foxy Friday.

What can we say?  He’s serious about WUYS.

That's it, I'm walking.

Foxy Friday: Patrick Kane

…

Did the sky fall?

I know what you’re thinking – there’s some kind of Upstate NY voodoo hypnosis going on or Kaner figured out how to roofie via Twitter.  But I’m going to go ahead and say it: Damn, Patrick.  Best use of off-season.

Kaner had wrist surgery in July and is back on the ice, possibly playing 2nd line center.  He was the #1 overall draft pick in ’07 and won the Calder for Rookie of the Year in ’08 (beating out Toews and you know he brings it up every day).  Patrick also scored the Stanley Cup-winning goal in ’10 and for a hot second was the only person in the world who knew the Hawks had won.

He’s from Buffalo, has a lot of sisters (okay 3), has been in trouble with the law (don’t Google it, please) and falls somewhere on the height chart just between me & Chuck.  It’s okay – I like to wear flats.

The Hawks posted a PKane workout video, in which he borrows the longjohns I wear under my ski pants (I was looking for those!).  Ignore his Rivera reference because the Yankees lost… mwhahaha.

So I submit this all-inclusive Kaner video  into evidence: adorable, cheesy, working hard in leggings.  What more proof do you need?