Ryan Kesler in ESPN Magazine’s annual “The Body” issue.
You know the part in National Treasure when they light the little pool of oil and it spreads 10,000 feet of fire and illuminates a gazillion dollars in gold and stuff? That’s what happened to the internet when this picture was posted. You’re gonna have to wait a bit for the wallpaper-size version.
In another edition of players we can only like until the season starts… Ryan Kesler will appear nude in ESPN Magazine’s “The Body” issue.
More than 20 athletes will do the soap opera strategically-cover-your-business to pose for the annual issue – here’s the list [link].
Kes wanted to get a jump on the competition, so he posed with a fan. This is like Chuck Norris selling the BowFlex – what a crock. Some people are just born this way. Kes spends more time on that hair than these abs and you, normal man in glasses, can only hope to warm your flab in the glow of his superhuman abilities.
Not that Kes does’t pay the price:
Whoever lived in my apartment before us still gets ESPN Magazine, and to that stranger I say thanks. You could have cleaned behind the fridge before you left but I will accept this subscription instead.
ONLY 5 MONDAYS until our first hockey game of the season!! Gator, Mr. Pants and I bought tickets for the Blue Jackets @ Caps on Monday, Sept 26. Tickets were $10. DISCOUNT MONDAY!
We will get bananas excited over a half-empty pre-season game. Deprivation and too much sugar will do that. We’ll be playoff-style freaking out in September. It’ll be like…
That time Mike wore a suit, while EStaal and Kes wore jeans and t-shirts. No worries, Mike. It’s like Vegas in here – you can’t be overdressed.
PS: I miss your hair.
@GreenFan52 (sounds like my kinda person!) suggested KB3 for this week’s Foxy Friday honor. What do you think?
He hits (104 in 66 games this season). On occasion he fights (3 this year… wait, he fought Patrick Marleau?!). Mostly he’s just Juice and for every second you hate him, you can’t help but love him too. He’s a joker and a spaz and totally in love with Ryan Kesler.
Kevin Bieksa is what Sean Avery dreams about. He’s a pain in the ass instigator type who won’t back down and throws other teams’ top offense off their game. He’s effective. He’s intentional. And he’s smart. Bieksa was +32 this season. That’s tied for 2nd overall.
And if the stats, the jokes and the personality don’t convince you, well…
Daniel gave me this new suckie on the first day of training!
Mike Duco formerly of the Florida Panthers got traded to Vancouver. If you were him – you’d think JACK POT – right? Going from a basement dwelling team – well – before they spent a boat load of cash and made some mad trades – to an almost Stanley Cup winning team. Not a bad place to be traded too – right?
Now consider that fact that you may have tweeted some of the following things during the play-offs:
Can't send a 'please ignore' out after that one!
He also posted one that said, “HA … solid night Luongo.”
So it’s your first day at training camp with all your new friends. What’s a boy to do? I bet he didn’t write the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” But I would guess he needs a copy of that stat because Luongo wasn’t too kind to Kesler after the Olympics but he did forgive him. He kind of had too. Kesler is way too hot not too.
It may not be charm, but it might work!
But Duco? Let’s hope he has charm coming out his ass. He’ll need it. Good luck buddy on your first day. I hear the Sedin’s have a wicked sense of humor.
I alternate between muting and leaving the room when I’m uncomfortable with what’s on TV. So I watched the NHL Awards in fits and starts and really tried to only listen when a player was talking.
The show was fairly agonizing, featuring some of the flattest jokes possible. I generally think Jay Mohr’s pretty funny but the obnoxious thing is a bit much for a whole show. Why doesn’t Cabbie on the Streets host this thing?
Like a boss.
Worse were the guest stars, most of whom stretch the definition of star to its limit. A kid from The Wizards of Waverly Place? Awesome that he’s a Kings fan and probably fangirlling inside over Luc Robataille, but presenting? Of course he was worlds better than the Real Housewives. I thought I was having a stroke when they were introduced, because surely that cannot have happened. Then Far East Movement performed. PICK A DEMOGRAPHIC. TEACH IT HOW TO PRONOUNCE YOUR WINNERS. Or let Jon Hamm do them all.
Take us with you!
Okay, end rant. The players, as usual, were adorkable enough to heal all wounds. Jeff Skinner’s stuttering acceptance speech made me squee. St. Louis for the Lady Byng was fantastic – someone get this guy an advert deal with Blackberry! The constant cuts to Toews looks pissy, Bobby Ryan’s mom all teary, Kesler’s hair… man, I love hockey.
If we were in charge, the NHL Awards should we be better. Like a bachelor auction or a live action SCORE! The Hockey Musical. And we’d get picked up by this bus… and miss the whole show.
This isn't where I parked my car!
Now, let’s party. We don’t know where this bus is going and I promise, we don’t care. Back in October!
but then I can't post this photo of brad pitt and THAT would be a shame
Does this mean that everyone on the Canucks are really werewolves? I present the following evidence. They may be more Underworld and less Twilight but it doesn’t mean they aren’t anymore effective. Werewovles kick ass. And I love me some Lucian but not Luongo. I’ll still dance under the moonlight with van morrison and I’ll always be an american one in London.
manimal - did anyone know there was actually a show on tv called that?
Ok, so you can tell I've been watching the Underworld marathon on syfy.
this really pained me to make this but he's the only one that matched up. the things I do for you all.
It’s 2-0 kids. Werewolves, I mean Cancucks, which is probably secret code for werewolves shapeshifting into wonder-twins activating into Alexander Burrows making two amaza-balls goals after draining Bergereon of his hockey magic. Beware. They are tricksters.
It’s time for the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals. At the end, I will no longer be able say “Defending Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks” and I’ll be so sad. But maybe Chuck will get to say that about the Bruins!! Is everyone ready?
Tyler Seguin’s all:
While RK17 is like:
And you know those cute animals have crafty ways of winning in the wild. I’m really looking forward to this one, mostly for Chuck’s sake. She’s going to be a mess. I’m going to be cracking up. Nothing like a good Cup Final to get me through 100+ degree weather.
also a master curler
Since Vancouver won, I’ll fess up to being the chick flashing Ben Eager just for shits and giggles – IN MY DREAMS. I don’t have a body like that. Maybe like, 15 years ago. My twins have gone a little south, let’s say. But that’s between Victoria and me and she’s doesn’t tell!
But now that I am THIS CLOSE to a full on Tiger-blooded Egg-headed-Sedin-Machine-no-trolls-allowed – goddesses-only-Bieska-lent- Torres-Torres-Torres-Hamhuis-in-the-house-Burrows-it-the-net-Stanley-Cup-Parade-Next Door? HELL YA! I don’t think there is a hockey fan out there that would miss a Stanley Cup parade even if it wasn’t ‘their’ team.
oh man, of better days ... sunny and chance of kris letang
To see ‘the cup’ and the team that won it would be awesome. Mr. Cherrie and I have already planned our escape route and run across the border because people here just don’t understand the importance of what is happening.
no, pants, I did not draw this but it has three things i love - actually make that four!
We are both calling in with Hockey Flu – which I’m saying I caught from making out with Kris Letang! And yes, I am getting way ahead of myself. But a girl can dream. I’m just so close.
the cup, kris letang, ovi, double d, bubbles in 7-up ... the beach, um .. purr fect!
the food chain prevails ... nom nom nom ...
Bieksa the Berserker was the only one who knew where the biscuit was on the ice … with a freaky deaky goal in double OT and down go the Sharks. It’s 17 years to the day that Vancouver claims the Western Conference title in a double OT as well and will face either Boston or Tampa Bay for Lord Stanley’s Cup. I’d call it Freaky Friday but it’s Tuesday so go figure!
foxy friday alum ryan kesler - who was injured snapped this one by anti-nemesis for a biscuit
But riddle me this? I get that Vancouver was excited about this, but good gravy why would you drop confetti on the ice before the presentation and then have your players out there skating around? Are you TRYING to trip them? Kesler was already injured and Luongo has a hard enough time stopping the puck as it is, he doesn’t need a greater handicap!
this is the only dance move i know, the robot, get it, sedin-the-machine, the robot, oh, if I have to explain it's not a joke.
So since I picked them for the Western Conference winner winner chicken dinner back in September, here’s a little ra-ra for your cha-cha Sedin-machines and Foxy Ryan Kesler and Bieksa-Lenta:
What's Up, Ya Sieve? 