We have to make a whole category for this if we’re going to get through the off-season. Can someone remind me what we did in the summer before Twitter? How did we ever know:
Who makes double entendres with random-yet-endearing capitalization?
What Ebs dreams of when he looks in the mirror?
Who needs you to bring them a beer?
Who will buy you popcorn at the movies?
Who thinks college is way different than it really is?
But gets everything else so right?
With all this, a tan, and the potential of a Mike Richards/Jeff Carter Stanley Cup party to contemplate, I think we might get to September after all.
The fates came out of their hole, looked for their shadows and decreed we shall see more of this:
And no more of this:
Okay, maybe one more:
We extend sympathies to our Flyers fans. Yes really, even though I hate them. Losing sucks no matter if you’re my team or a great looking guy in an ugly suit. Reasons and examinations for the loss, please report immediately to October where you’re all meaningless.
A big congratulations to our Devils fans. NJ gave a huge performance, and frankly their discipline scares the crap out of me. After watching the Flyers expose every single Penguins weakness then strip and sell them for parts, I thought they were rolling. But NJ never gave Philly an inch, never let them crack that shell. On top of great hockey, they played a great mental game.
The Devils await the winner of the Rangers/Capitals series. I can’t say anything else for fear of a jinx, but more on this after round two is over.
Claude Giroux needed to count to ten (in French) before throwing this hit in last night’s loss to New Jersey:
What do you think – Shanabanned? I would not be surprised. Zubris has long since passed the puck and G seems to wait until after the shoulder hit is available, then go straight for his face. Claude took a penalty for “head contact” on the play – it’s part of the “Illegal Hit to the Head” rule [link], I’ve just never heard it called that. Zubris was not injured and had 2 goals on the night (GWG and an empty-netter).
The Flyers are down 3-1 in the series vs. New Jersey. Losing Giroux for game 5… yikes. We’ll see what Principal Shanny has to say tomorrow. Can he suspend this face that turns even the best of the rest of us into idiots with traitorous tendencies?
I’m here to kick ass AND chew bubble gum. Lucky for you, I brought the bubble gum.
The Kings have lost only ONE play-off game to date. And after listening to the announcers last night, could they have made anymore snide/ weight remarks? Let me count them down for you:
Doughty certainly is a well-rounded player
Doughty just skated down the Blues bench and told them they’d have to be quicker than that to throw a hit on him
Doughty just got a free one off Elliott
Who knew the Kings could go on such a winning streak without Doughty scoring
On a better note – Mike Richards is the only other player with a Gordie Howe Hatrick! The other player – Gingeroux!
I’m sexy and I know it!
That is mighty fine company sisters.
So for those keeping count, the Kings are up 3-0 AGAIN in their series. For an 8th seat team – that’s super totes. For a Sutter brother, it’s in the genes.
For the Blues, evidently, this is their way of keeping Doughty in check – evidently, they stole my diary:
Lindsay tried to warn Chuck about this last night – I’m surprised Chuck didn’t lock me out of here today!
It’s not that serious, but I’ve got a recurring problem: every time I hear the Rascal Flatts song “Banjo,” I get really excited and start rocking out in my car. It’s a good 30 seconds before my brain remembers, “ACK! I don’t like Rascal Flatts! That guy’s voice drills my brain!”
This is the same experience I have when Danny Briere scores (minus the dancing). I don’t like the Flyers! His voice gives me the creeps! Yet I still get really, really happy for him.
AAGHHHWHAT?! I know. Just listen: he scored 16 goals this season. As in all year. He has 8 goals in the playoffs – as in the last three weeks! Five were vs. Pittsburgh and each was a nail in my coffin. Now I have more perspective. It’s like walking into the gym after a late night, looking at the treadmill and thinking, “This is going to hurt.” I’ve accepted that it’s going to happen, and happen often, so I might as well get something out of it.
I’ve been saving this till you were all buttered up over Claude. Briere’s kids are adorable and everyone’s hair is too long! It’s like a Disney movie waiting to happen – somebody sweep in and make these guys a meal with vegetables! (Giroux moved out, but he’d probably come over for free dinner. You might have to feed Couturier too [link].)
I’m not saying Danny Briere will be drafted by my fantasy hockey team composed entirely of hot dads. Chuck hates his beard and that whispery voice. But he’s kinda Lord of the Rings-ish, no? Legolas by way of the Shire? He looks like he’d be good with a bow and arrow.
Speaking of Flyers I don’t like but can’t help enjoying – I mean Hartnell in just this one case. And when he falls down. Maybe I should make a list!
For Linsday, here’s Giroux in another episode of Things That Are Also Orange:
The sun could be considered orange, and these legs need to see some of it.
I still want New Jersey to win, and for Foxy Friday Parise to keep a) losing his helmet and b) scoring goals like last night. I’m not completely insane, just turning into a softie. My only excuse is that I’m traumatized by the playoffs and need a trip to the quiet room. Bright colors and a good old-fashioned Cinderella story are clearly distracting me. I’m even giving myself the “Hall of Shame” tag for this lapse in good judgement.
Check us out every Thursday through out the NHL Playoffs on Puck Daddy!
April 19, 2012 –This early in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, beards are like second-round berths and regulation wins – shiny hopes and dreams. It’s barely Week 2 and, at best, most players are sporting only peach fuzz or the beard equivalent of an off-season weekend bender.
Some have already grown all they’ll ever manage.
But a few prime specimens have begun to emerge as top contenders for the coveted Beard of the Year award. Can they go all the way? Or will they be forced, defeated and follicle-free, to the back nine before they have reached their full potential?
At Ginny’s Little Longhorn Saloon in Austin, TX, every Sunday night they play Chicken Sh*t Bingo. It’s exactly what it sounds like – feed a chicken, turn it loose on a tabletop bingo board and wherever it takes a crap, that number goes on the board.
I’m pretty sure this is also how the NHL is deciding suspensions.
The chicken really likes James Neal, because he gets away with the Couturier hit like a bank robber with a sack of money. He leaves his feet to run two guys in one shift and manages to earn two disciplinary hearings for only 42 seconds of play! Someone please tell me if that’s a land speed record. You know I love the Pens & Neal (still so pissed), but even I can’t believe this. No I don’t want a huge suspension handed out to my guy – but I don’t know other players running my guys with zero fear of consequence. This works both ways and next time, it’s coming instead of going.
To me this shows the NHL believes the Pens/Flyers series is over tonight, so the chicken did her business on the 1 because there’s only one game left in Neal’s season. God, I hope they’re wrong.
Be honest if you can see the sense in this: Carl Hagelin got 3 games [video] for elbowing Daniel Alfredsson and Andrew Shaw got 3 games [video] for hitting Mike Smith. If those are 3-gamers, why is Neal’s only one? Alfredsson was injured, Smith was not. Neal could much more easily have avoided Giroux than either of the other hits. And neither Hagelin or Shaw threw another questionable check less than a minute before.
Aaron Asham – 4 games for cross-checking [Shanahan video]
The chicken was angry – fine with me. This is a terrible move in a terrible game that could repeat itself tonight. For all the bitching about Schenn cross-checking Crosby from behind a few weeks ago, this is obviously a hundred times worse and deserves a sit-down.
Nicklas Backstrom – 1 game for cross-checking [Shanahan video]
A stick to the face for a Backstrom-less game 4? Deal of the century! Thanks a lot, chicken!
This play is no dirtier than a million uncalled penalties in this series. But it is, as Shanahan calls it, “excessive and reckless” – because he can’t say “stupid and pointless.” Nicky’s not going to fight Peverly anymore than I’m going to be proclaimed Queen of Canada. He has been run constantly in this series – because he’s the Caps best player. And he gave it away for nothing. The Caps got through 40 games without Backstrom this year, here’s hoping they have one more in them.
Raffi Torres – Awaiting the Chicken
You need 5 in a row to win bingo. Just when the NHL had suspended 7 players in the first round (only 6 suspensions in all of last year’s playoffs), Phoenix’s Raffi Torres does this. Marian Hossa was stretchered off the ice and taken by ambulance to a local hospital, from which he was released last night [link]. He got into a waiting car under his own power. Torres has been suspended twice and fined once in the last 13 months [link].
What do you think the chicken will have to say about this one? If suspensions are being doled out based on some other system (say, player popularity?), where on the bingo board does this load land?
PS: You should all read The New York Times’Slap Shot blogfor this scathing piece on the state of player safety. Writer Lynn Zinser says: “If you can follow the logic through those four [Asham, Neal, Shaw, Backstrom] — particularly how the Penguins’ James Neal earned only a one-game suspension for head-hunting two players on a single shift — you belong at M.I.T. Or Shanahan’s next dinner party.”
Dawn, Ovi - sorry for the bad season. I do better in play-offs. I promise. BOOM! hahahahahahah
So when this campaign started the feedback was terrible so they adjusted it STAT because it was like the MasterCard ad, the Hockey Discover Card and “I Just Want My Pants Back” had a drunken three way, someone got pregnant and no one wanted to take responsibility for the monster that came of it.
Hockey fans will tell you straight up when something stinks.
I get TPTB wanted to include the fans but thank god we bascially got a bastard child of HISTORY WILL BE MADE! I don’t want to see faux Hollywood replicas of what they think we are doing in our homes/bars/favorites hockey watching spots. Trust me – WE KNOW. And it wasn’t what they were showing us.
I want to see Ovi telling me what he’s GOING to do in the play-offs.
Dear NHL - stilling waiting for Letang's solo "Because of the Cup" ad. Statistically speaking - Pens can win without St. Sid but not with out #58. Just sayin'
I want to see Kris Letang brush his sexy hair out of his face and smile at me as he skates at the screen.
I want to see Erik Karlsson and his glorious mullet, all awkward and sh&t.
Dear little man, may you win the Norris if Kris Letang (a complete dark horse but I wish would win) doesn't.
Hell, I’d even take Jagr saluting me! (not quite but see below for you hard core philly fans – bless you all!)
You've grown on me like a fungus but you make me laugh - which is hard to do!
It isn’t quite that but it will do for now. So for your viewing pleasure if you haven’t seen these yet:
If you weren’t watching the Penguins/Flyers game yesterday afternoon, you probably wondered what that noise was. It was the rest of us screaming.
I could (and will) watch this all day. The amount of awesome cannot be expressed. Even Pierre is speechless. I wish they’d kept his mic live so we could hear Laviolette screaming. He and Granato were both ejected, but not before Lavi picked up a stick and smashed it. Of course, it was Max Talbot’s stick.
“He broke my stick and I was pretty sad about that. It was a good stick,” Max said (which is why I still love him).
Watch Giroux, he’s begging for someone to draw him off the bench. That would have broken Pierre’s heart, because he spent the whole game fangirling over Claude. It was like his old flame Sidney didn’t even exist. How fickle, Pierre! Near the end there’s a great shot of James Neal screaming at Zac Rinaldo. I was fanning myself with a magazine, I swear.
There were all kinds of reasons for this melee – Schenn cross-checking Crosby, Bylsma putting his 4th line out for the late shift, Vitale crushing Briere in open ice – but mostly it happened because these are the Penguins and the Flyers. They love to hate each other. They’ll do it again Saturday, and probably in the first round of the playoffs.
Can you imagine? No one win too much, you have to play each other! Too bad (for me) the Pens couldn’t get the win yesterday. They’re still one point up on the Flyers and can maintain home ice advantage. You can read more about the insults and challenges traded post-game here.
Here’s the Crosby post-game interview [link], or you could just…
Is this an ad for something? Or just for his thighs?
And for the Flyers fans, I couldn’t find a Gingeroux post-game so here he is being interviewed with his dad [link]. Or if you prefer…
Sidney took a puck to the face. I’ve said “not the face!” many times, but never at such volume. Sid bled everywhere and then did what hockey players do best, let it stop and kept playing. Well, it didn’t totally stop.
He will play tonight against Buffalo, a game the Caps need the Pens to win. Wait, what was that? The reluctant sound of DC fans rooting for Pittsburgh? Be still my beating heart.
We could say the Pens need the win also – Philly’s only two points back and there’s no reason to lose home ice advantage for the first round. Sid and Co still have two games vs. the Flyers and one vs. NYR, so any game played against someone else is a bonus where you should grab all the points you can.
In the Battle of the Blog, the Capitals beat the Bruins last night 3-2 in another shitty overtime victory that I’ll take, but don’t like. I don’t like what it says for when we meet teams that can play sixty. Any team can struggle any night, but the Caps do it every night.
This hit by Jason Chimera on Adam McQuaid was the talk of the game. Chimera got tossed for charging, but today the NHL has said no disciplinary hearing will be held. Can Shanahan do videos for hits that are NOT suspended? It would explain a lot more to me.
Chuck is not happy about that. What would cheer her up? How about Nicky B, possibly back in the line-up Saturday vs. Montreal. That’s right – MONTREAL. RENE BOURQUE. Come and get it, punk, we’ll be in section four-oh-something with our elbows up.
Also close to coming back, Jonny Toews. Imagine how cranky he is not being able to play? He’s probably organized every fork in his kitchen by how far apart the times are. With a protractor. The Hawks have won 7-of-10, but Tazer in the playoffs is a whole new kind of hot damn,
Colorado and Calgary have must-win games tonight… against each other. WELP. No guarantee a win will carry the victor into a playoff spot but it’s hard to see the loser of this one hanging on much longer.
Everyone is excited about EA Sports allowing, for the first time ever, a popular vote to decide the NHL13 cover boy. Get the interns on this one! Cast your vote(s) at www.NHL.com/CoverVote, or let the players woo you to their sides. Ton of Twitter chirping = our dream. My favorite:
Uh, Team Claude.
It also looks like the Art Ross and Rocket Richard trophy races are drawing to a close, according to my master plans.
Geno can go till June, thank you very much. Stammer, well, it wasn’t to be this year. But Steven keeps on scoring. He has five goals in his last five games – 55 total, for a career high and Lightning team record. With five games left, could Stamkos get to 60? I say YES. I keep yelling it at the TV. I keep…
So here’s to tonight, as we near the end of the season, and a lot of hockey fans get ready to say goodbye to their favorite teams. If you’re looking for someone to back in the playoffs, allow us to make a few suggestions.
What's Up, Ya Sieve? 