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Birthday Boy: Intern Jeff Skinner

16 May

Break out the Mexicolas and sprinkles…

It’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s birthday!!

Jeff turns 20 today, so he’ll be doing… exactly what he does every other day.  Drinking a gallon of milk, giving up his seat on the Metro and buying Girl Scout cookies.  Sorry Skinns, we can Party in the USA next year.

Definitely invited.

Oh heck, we’re inviting everyone.

You told EVERYBODY?!

It’s going to have a prom theme, for all the ones Jeff didn’t get to go too.

Not funny, guys!

We promise, no figure skating jokes and Eric is going to buy the beer.

This is sounding better.

So have a good summer, Jeff…

What’s that saying? Bend and snap?

And maybe at 20 you won’t be quite so – oh, forget it.  We love it when you’re horribly embarrassed with Nealer and Stamkos laughing in the background.

Shanabanned: Intern Jeff Skinner

16 Mar

Intern Jeff Skinner scored his 20th goal of the season last night, and it was a beauty.  Skinner had 31 last season during his Rookie of the Year campaign, but that’s what happens.  More goals gets you more defense.  So use your feet:

But please, don’t use your feet to kick someone.  With your skate blade.  Which Skinner also did during the game against the Blues:

Skinner has been suspended two games for that genius maneuver.  Principal Shanahan explains… link.

When I see a kid in Target wailing and flailing on the floor in the cereal aisle, I think that I’d do that if it were socially acceptable.  But I don’t.  This is such a intern-level temper tantrum.  Maybe he was upset because we give Mike Green the “bad boy” slot in our NHL boyband.  Either way, Jeff needs a time out.

Intern Jeff Skinner gets graphic.

16 Feb

Because Pants asked for it….

Original artwork by Chuck

You likes?

I loves.

I took some creative liberties but I really hope that Intern Jeff Skinner love it too.

 

Intern Desk: Back in Action

20 Jan

Hey, I’m back!  Intern Jeff Skinner reporting for duty!  No one around here seems to care, since Pants was on vacation and leaves again tomorrow for her honeymoon.  Supposedly she doesn’t know where they’re going.  Pretend to act surprised when it’s Pittsburgh.

Come here often?

At least then she can’t keep telling me I should have closed my mouth in the NHL Tonight commercial where I’m pretending to ride the bike.  (She’s watched that far once, by the way – too busy rewinding Stamkos and his cereal.)

I made my comeback at Washington, but Pants wasn’t there.  Then we played the Penguins, where I took a pretty big hit from Crazy Eyes Orpik and had to go to the quiet room.  She didn’t even call!  I know she was watching!  (Editor’s note: She wasn’t.)

Hmmpphh.  James Neal had the game winning shootout goal and was First Star, I bet she called him.

Really? This guy?

We’re still not winning much and I know Pants finds it hard to watch, because she really does like us.  We beat the Bruins, but I promised Chuck and Cassy I wouldn’t mention it in exchange for extra Mexicolas.  We are also tied with the Lightning at 40 points.  I’m hoping that my return can brighten things up around here and offer some consistency.  When we win, we score a lot (13 goals in last 3 wins.)  It’s not too late to get this season back on track.

Want me to sign your yearbook?

Foxy Friday: Intern Takeover

2 Dec

Intern Jeff Skinner here – as in the ONLY ONE here.  Where is everyone today?  Jeeeeeez.  One Caps vs. Pens game and the whole place needs a day off to recover.  Since it’s Friday and we all know what that means… well, I’m just keeping this place open by nominating myself for Foxy Friday.  The WUYS girls go crazy for this photo and defy you to find something cuter:

We are having a tough start here in Raleigh, it’s true.  We’re two points ahead of NYI for last place in the East.  But you have to think positive!  I have 11 goals and 12 assists.  That’s #21 out of 738 NHL players.  Things are going to turn around with our new coach and Pants will be really glad to have Eric and Cam back on her fantasy team.

So happy weekend, everyone.  Hold a baby.  Smile with dimples.  And please, someone come back to work on Monday because I draw the line at posting about Mike Green (unless you start paying me).

Intern Desk: While I’m Away…

29 Nov

Intern Jeff Skinner here, writing after my day filling in as Canes head coach.  A belated Thanksgiving to all you Americans. I got left in charge of the office this week, while Pants and Chuck said they were home visiting their families.  Even Cassy ditched me for some some American friends just because they had pie.  It’s my fault to be the token Canadian staff member in the office during an American national holiday! And they don’t even pay me for this.

Guys? Hey guys?

Anyway, I was doing my job and trolling Tumblr for photos, checking all the social media feeds and I saw that Chuck has posted photos of her, Pants and Gator at a Caps game.  Seriously guys? You abandoned me for Ovi?  I had to turn down Thanksgiving dinner at Eric’s for this!

Something's not right here.

Running the office was fun for a bit; I went through the candy stash and ate all Pants’ Watchamacallit bars, then drank Cassy’s Crystal Light.  I drew a moustache on Gator’s secret picture of Stammer (to match his real handlebars) and finally finished all of Chuck’s bagels.  A guy’s gotta live, right?  Then I hacked into Cassy’s TiVO and deleted the Wings v Bruins game, since she didn’t bring me any pie.

That's it - I'm outta here!

Anyway, to get my revenge for not being invited to the game or given the day off, I’m going to get Nealer to crank call Pants at 2am all week and set Chuck’s language preference to Mandarin Chinese.  Good luck Tweeting then!!  I’ll just claim the panda made me do it.

Blame Mike Green.

(Additional reporting by Cassy)

Boss for a Day

28 Nov

Intern Jeff Skinner is off today to stand in as acting Head Coach of the Hurricanes after they fired Paul Maurice this morning.

Hard at work.

With a record of 8-13-4 and EStaal struggling mightily, this is less shocking and more standard than Boudreau going from the Caps.  Staal has only 5 goals on on 89 shots – that’s 2nd most shots in the NHL, absolutely nothing will drop for this guy.  They’ve lost 10 of 14 games this month.

Wikipedia, font of all that is true, already says that Kirk Muller has been announced as the replacement.  We’ll wait till the Canes actually do that before putting Skinner back on fridge-stocking duty.