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Chewbacca and the Ewoks Sent Packing

8 May

Hey Shane, no need to get angry .. you’re moving on in the series but staying in Phoenix! You just won the Lottery!

For those of you keeping count, last night the Jawas sent Chewie and the Ewoks packing.

Ya just can’t mess with the force – dude.

I think there was a grand disturbance in the force when Chewie tapped into the dark side and smashed Hans Solo’s head into the boards in an earlier series and sometimes karmic galactic payback is a bitch.

Chewie will now be able to make it back to Kashyyyk in time to celebrate Life Day.

You shall not move … I command it.

The Jawas also found out from Palpatine, Lord of the Sith and Emperor of the Galactic empire, they will more than likely be staying in the desert. Details of the contract are still under wraps but my sources tell me it includes the souls of the all the incoming new players first-born girls (because ya know, they need the boys for future hockey players) and all the retirees in a 250 mile area. That should keep Lord Vader fed for a few more years.

Lord Vader Shanahan needs souls to keep doling out his brand of justice

That’s good news for Phoenix!

So now the Conference Finals are set for the West Coast – Phoenix vs. LA Kings.

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Gingerboux

7 May

Claude Giroux needed to count to ten (in French) before throwing this hit in last night’s loss to New Jersey:

What do you think – Shanabanned?  I would not be surprised.  Zubris has long since passed the puck and G seems to wait until after the shoulder hit is available, then go straight for his face.  Claude took a penalty for “head contact” on the play – it’s part of the “Illegal Hit to the Head” rule [link], I’ve just never heard it called that.  Zubris was not injured and had 2 goals on the night (GWG and an empty-netter).

The Flyers are down 3-1 in the series vs. New Jersey.  Losing Giroux for game 5… yikes.  We’ll see what Principal Shanny has to say tomorrow.  Can he suspend this face that turns even the best of the rest of us into idiots with traitorous tendencies?

Mean Girls Club 2.0

23 Apr

After this weekend, the heat intensified over how Brendan Shanahan decides suspensions and disciplinary action. But for us women, there’s no secret. After the Campbell empire of nepotism and favoritism crumbled there was hope for a clean start. But after almost a year in the position it looks like The Plastics are back with 2.0 edition.

Here is Shanahan and Bettman at a press conference discussing the recent Torres suspension:

http://www.nbc.com/assets/video/widget/widget.html?vid=1384659

This is what it must be like behind closed doors when they are deciding on disciplinary action. “Well Brendan, you have the physique of a 20 year old Zack Parise shooting down the cold freshly zambonied ice on a winter classic day with a crazed Shea Weber chasing you trying to smash you head into the boards.”

shanahan simply calls it in

“Oh it’s Shea Weber? He’s popular and cute, did he hurt any one? Not really? Oh shiny objects …What were we talking about again? How manly I am? Yes. I am pretty Bad Ass. Fine him. Next. Make-up! Make sure I’m not shiny like that last video. And my hair – PLEASE!”

ask henrik if this was worth $2,500 bowl full of crazy

“Who? Bits? P-iddy? My kids love him. I went to his White party in the Hampton’s. Really – Bitzs – Oh. don’t care. West coast? SRSLY. Two games and no video and just copy what ever I said last time this happened. Rinse-n-repeat.”

My point is, discipline should be like justice, blind, fair and across the board. A hit should be judged on its own. Not if someone is hurt, not if someone is a popular or famous player, but as a stand alone on its own merits – as it were. This is simply not happening. I realize people are human but come on.

And don’t use Matt Cooke is the poster boy for this system – it was the Penguins who sat him down and said it’s your job or you’re out. That was the reason he change, NOT Shanahan or the new system.

Weekend Hangover

16 Apr

This went beyond just hair-pulling ...

I don’t hate fighting as much as some other people. What I dislike is hypocrisy. Philly has never made any apologies for who they are. What shocked me was  Matt Cooke managed to stayed out of the fray.

Pittsburgh needs to decide quickly if they are going to play as a team to stay in the play-offs or protect Sidney Crosby from injury because they can’t do both.

But other than that, to lighten the mood there used to be someone who did Hockey Cats. So to continue the tradition, here is the weekend in hockey cats photos:

Mittens likes to live on the edge ... it's better than the tea-cup ride in Disneyland!

 

big Orange made a horrible goalie

 

 

Principal’s Office

15 Apr

It’s getting hot in here, and Brendan Shanahan’s phone was ringing off the hook yesterday.  Three players face disciplinary hearings for offenses committed during Saturday’s run of show…

1. Carl Hagelin

Former Foxy Friday and Ryan Gosling stun- double Carl Hagelin is not known for throwing elbows and getting dirrrty.  But the playoffs make people do crazy things.  He took out Daniel Alfredsson with a very high hit yesterday.

Alfredsson, the Sens’ captain, did not return to the game.  There’s been no update on Alfredsson’s status.  Hagelin served a five minute major and will be sentenced today.  Tortorella said “wah!” but that’s what he always says.

2. Matt Carkner

This guy is off his anger-management meds.  Boyle had a goal in game 1 and got into it with Karlsson to the tune of matching roughing minors.  It merits the clean check Carkner throws to start this, and probably a fight.  I understand protecting your most valuable asset.  But Carkner doesn’t square off, he jumps Boyle and drags him face-down across the ice under the dogpile.

Carkner got five for fighting, two for instigating and ejected.  Brandon Dubinsky was the third man into the fight and also got himself a game misconduct.  He took his frustration out on the Gatorade cooler.

This series is officially ugly.  I think Shanahan will suspend Hagelin for one game, especially if Alfie can’t play tomorrow.  The hit was directly to the head and otherwise you open it up to chaos.  If Carkner went after Boyle for a play that didn’t result in Karlsson being injured, what will they do to the guy who knocked out their captain?  Hagelin is not Boyle – he may not live to tell the tale.

Carkner definitely gets suspended here.  Fight a guy clean to protect your teammates, that’s hockey.  This is cowardice and can’t be allowed to stand.

3. Andrew Shaw

Goalies are like virgins whose fathers are right inside the front door with a shotgun – don’t touch them, it’s not worth it.  Chicago’s Andrew Shaw collided with Phoenix netminder Mike Smith last night, helmet-to-helmet. Smith went down hard and stayed there for a long time.

Shaw got a five minute charging major, on which the Coyotes scored to take the lead.  He was ejected as well.  Smith eventually got right and stayed in the game… what?  He must have passed whatever on-ice tests are administered immediately following a hit to the head, but this looked like a mandatory trip to the quiet room.  I think a five + game should suffice as Smith wasn’t injured on the play.  The hearing is tomorrow.

What do you think?  More importantly, if they don’t get what the opposition feels they “deserve,” what happens in game three?

Dirrrrrty

22 Mar

The Blackhawks have won five in a row, including an OT nail-biter against Vancouver last night.  Their next game is Sunday vs. Nashville – a big one for playoff position.  Too bad they’re going to have to do it without Duncan Keith:

No question that’s a dirty play.  Daniel Sedin struggled back to the bench, played one more shift then went to the dressing room [link].  Keith got an elbowing minor and now everyone fully expects him to be suspended.

Shane Doan just got Shanabanned 3 games for elbowing Jamie Benn [link].  Mike Green served 3 games.  But this looks more like Rene Bourque’s hit on Nicklas Backstrom (grrrrrrrrr) that earned a 5-game suspension.  Both Borque and Doan are repeat offenders – this would be Keith’s first suspension.  (Green’s previous suspension was more than 18 months ago, so not classified as a repeat offender – link.)

The NHL has not yet announced a hearing, but with four days till the Hawks play again there is no rush.  Sedin will be re-evaluated today in Vancouver and any sustained injury considered in the case against Keith.  Henrik Sedin spoke after the game, saying Keith “did what he wanted to do” [link].

The Canucks are comfortably atop their Division and could still catch St. Louis for 1st in the West and the President’s Trophy [standings].  That dream takes a dive if they lose Sedin – their only 30-goal scorer on the year.  They play tomorrow night at Dallas.

Doan and Keith have both been publicly contrite about their hits [link], but who cares?  Time to start thinking before you get your elbows up, boys.  If you can’t do it for safety at least do it for your teams down the stretch.  But really, do it for safety.

Shanabanned: Intern Jeff Skinner

16 Mar

Intern Jeff Skinner scored his 20th goal of the season last night, and it was a beauty.  Skinner had 31 last season during his Rookie of the Year campaign, but that’s what happens.  More goals gets you more defense.  So use your feet:

But please, don’t use your feet to kick someone.  With your skate blade.  Which Skinner also did during the game against the Blues:

Skinner has been suspended two games for that genius maneuver.  Principal Shanahan explains… link.

When I see a kid in Target wailing and flailing on the floor in the cereal aisle, I think that I’d do that if it were socially acceptable.  But I don’t.  This is such a intern-level temper tantrum.  Maybe he was upset because we give Mike Green the “bad boy” slot in our NHL boyband.  Either way, Jeff needs a time out.