Our Post from Puck Daddy: Joe Thornton’s Sasquatch; Brian Boyle is Inigo Montoya

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April 19, 2012 –This early in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, beards are like second-round berths and regulation wins – shiny hopes and dreams. It’s barely Week 2 and, at best, most players are sporting only peach fuzz or the beard equivalent of an off-season weekend bender.

Some have already grown all they’ll ever manage.

But a few prime specimens have begun to emerge as top contenders for the coveted Beard of the Year award. Can they go all the way? Or will they be forced, defeated and follicle-free, to the back nine before they have reached their full potential?

Read the rest [here]

Fired Up

Well the Blackhawks cannot win a road game and somebody’s feeling feisty.

Joey’s jealous because Chuck never made him a Foxy Friday.  Jon was rubbing it in, so Ryane Clowe came over to represent.

Tazer has two career fights, and he lost them both.  He’s a beast but I’m going to say that fighting Jumbo Joe (24 NHL fights, we’re he’s old) or Ryan(e) (50 NHL fights, including 12 last year) would not be a good idea.  Stitches in your lip are sexy once, Frankentoews.  But feel free to get angry because the Hawks have lost four in a row and still have five games left on this trip.

Ready for Chills?

Thanks to Puck Daddy for this awesome video link … 2012 inspiration for why we love hockey!

And since I missed wishing everyone Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays – I’ll let my man Kris Letang who’s been MIA lately do it for me and a couple of other dudes in santa hats. Enjoy!

Oy! so many penguins ....

shirtless as usual

Joe Thornton. A Beard. And a Baby.

No secret that I heart me some Joe Thornton.

It all started in 1997…

With the #1 pick, the Bruins select....Big Bird.

Just ask Pants.  She knows ALL about it.

The mop top.

The sesame bagel incident.

The white-boy dancing to “Brickhouse” by the Commodores.

Me and Jumbo go way back.

The other night, Joe was honored by his current team, the San Jose Sharks, for the awesome accomplishment of playing in his 1,000th NHL game.

There was a requisite love-fest before their game vs. the Penguins, with the applause, whistles, and well deserved cheers. Joe and his family were there – including what I can only assume is his brother who happens to have THE MOST GLORIOUS BEARD EVAH!

Want to touch.

Seriously!  Look at that thing.  I’m obsessed with it.

It looks soft.

But the really presh image of the whole thing was this one…

I'm bored. Where's my binkie?

So adorbs that I can’t even stand it.  She’s killing it with that side ponytail.

Guys with babies is always cute.

Hockey players with babies…and I’m spent.

A Day in the Life of a Hockey Shark

Ever want to know what a day in the life of Ryan(e) Clow(e) is like?  

Well, my Sieves, your wish is granted…

Foxy Friday Honoree - Ryane Clowe

Pre-game Arts & Crafts

Call it a Cash Cab, ‘cuz he be money!

Marleau-Clowe-Thornton

Added bonus – Joey sans shirt!  But where are your muscles, guy? 

It’s On!

Now that you won’t be able to get this song out of your head, it’s the battle of the Super Twins, Count Von Count-anyone-can-do-this-job VS. Jumbo Scrimp (Oxy-Maroon), I’m-still -Cryin’ Patty Mar-where’s-the-loo and Logan Haute-Couture. Who will win the West-Coast Battle for the Cup? I called Vancouver in the Wayback Machine.

capt vs capt (i think it's henrik - who knows for sure!)

On the East Coast we got the Not-so-Jolly-Yellow-Giant Chara, Sir Thomas-the-Tank-Engine and i-blow-pucks-out-my-ass-for-goals-bergeron VS stampeding Stammers, Little-Man Louis and Bat-shit-crazy-face-sort-of-hot-in-a-weird-way-guy-the-butcher. I called neither of these and would have never dreamed of either of these but in reverse psychology and covering my bases. I’m going with Tampa Bay and if they win, I’ll be glad and say I called it. If they lose, I’ll say I helped Boston because every team I pick, loses! So either way, I’m covered! Sound practice!

In other news…

So the Sharks are up 3-0 on the Red Wings.  And Stephanie Tanner is pissed!  That’s the same face Gator is making right now in her office, partially because she’s from the D and partially because Stamkos is not coming back to DC for her.

Last night was the 2nd OT game of this round for San Jose/Detroit, and the 5th OT game San Jose has played in these playoffs.  They’ve won all 5.  That’s impressive.  Ghetto Sushi had the hattie last night to make sure it stung.

What is with this 3-0 leads and overtimes?  It’s like someone infused the NHL Playoffs with a little Bravo-style reality TV drama.  If ever a team could come back, it’s Detroit.  If ever a team could give it up, it’s San Jose.  But could this be it, the magical year when Chuck’s lifetime of Joe Thornton devotion pays off and they actually make it really far in the playoffs?

So much good, undone by that shirt.

I’m not rooting for the Sharks, despite being my almost-hometown team for 4 years.  The free jersey and perfectly coordinated teal nail polish are staying away.  I’m cursed like the Titanic and I refuse to take any more teams down with me.

Fins to the Left!

I saved this photo back in March hoping someday I would get to use it.  San Jose has a 2-0 lead on the Red Wings and I think now is the time for inspiration.  For destruction.  I saw a guy on the Metro in a Wings shirt yesterday and I wished for an octopus to throw at him.  Gator’s from Detroit, she wanted to hug him instead.  There’s no hugging in hockey unless they’re FREE HUGS from WUYS-approved bromances.

San Jose won the first game 2-1 in OT and the second 2-1 in regulation.  Everyone’s got two assists: Rookie of My Life Logan Couture, Foxy Friday Ryan(e) Clow(e) and ASG prank mastermind Danny Boyle.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself.  These games are all nail-biters and no one makes me more nervous than Detroit.  This is just to keep the boys going.  Jumbo Joe is out to remind Chuck that back in ’97 she was swooning over his blond curls and Dunkin’ Donuts commercials.  He wants her to Feel the Teal.  (Okay sorry, that’s a terrible slogan.)

If there’s anyone we’d like to see go down it’s Detroit.  If there’s anyone who will make us eat our words and send their over-40s to shut us up, it’s Detroit.  So play on – Game 3 Wed at 5 PM PT.

Adopt-A-Cause.

I feel your pain.

I really do. I was there last year. My caps went out in the first round. This was me last year. But I lived through it. And you will too.

I'm serious. Wipe the F*** chocolate off your face and get up! YES - YOU!

You are better than this and your men need you. Maybe not your team but there are others out there in the trenches fighting, that need adopting temporarily at least until the end of the season. And this is YOUR SPORT. This is Hockey and a drought is coming – need I remind you? SUMMER … NO HOCKEY? At all? So pull yourself together, go back through the blog and pick a team, a man, SOMEONE, adopt-a-man, adopt-a-cause – put a stamp on it and make it YOURS and work it sister. Because come June, we are all going to look like the above so no getting a jump on things now!

Five reasons you should ADOPT-A MAN-CAUSE-ANYTHING-RIGHT-NOW-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-HOCKEY:

1. What else do you have going on? I mean really? Seriously. Tell us. Because we would know. NOTHING. Huh. So? what are you waiting for? If you need suggestions. We have some.

2. There are some very ELIGIBLE men available for ADOPTION. Shea Weber. Mike Fisher. The Sedin Twins. No, I am not joking here. They have an awesome sense of humor and mad skills. Joe Thornton. Patrick Marleau. Oh god did I just write that? Tim Thomas. Henrik Zetterberg. Mike Modano. Brian Boucher. Milan Lucic. Andrej Meszaros. Martin St. Louis. Steven Stamkos. Mike Green. See, I’m not even asking you to support you-know- who because I know you will from the closet and that’s OK!

how could you not support this?

3. THERE IS NO CRYING IN HOCKEY. EVER. Except if you’re Sean Avery and really, do you want to join that club? Screaming, breaking things, punching objects and being sad pandas, OK. We except that.

we'll even give you a cyber-hug.

4. If you ‘accidentally run into’ and by ‘accidentally’ I mean ‘accidentally on purpose stalking them’ –  say, Kris Letang or MAX TALBOT or Jonathan Toews, do you really want a badunkadunk butt or muffin top (even though that’s the best part of the muffin!) from all the chocolate, bon bons and cupcakes you ate? Wouldn’t you want to be in your fabulous best shape EVER?!

well hello there, come here often? wanna see MY stanley cups?

5. IT’S HOCKEY. YOU LOVE IT. WE LOVE IT. IT’S NOT OVER – YET. YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER. WE BELIEVE.

So let's kiss, make up and move on!

And lastly, whether we all like it or not, as Sean Connery said in HIGHLANDER, “There can be only one.”

my what fancy wear and BTW - pants LOVES your hat!

Shark Attack!

but i'm not a crier.

After last night’s devastation I am at a loss – so are the Kings – 3 to be precise. The Kings have to travel back to the shark tank and try to win one or go home. Dany Heatly seems to be up to some old tricks tripping Martinez which could have caused a serious injury and Jumbo Joe had enough time to toss kisses to Sharks Fans – Chuck! Chuck! Where are you?

Here is a post-game interview with Ryane Clowe – no wonder he keeps scoring – boy is CRAZY!

As for me, you play as a team, you lose as a team. Pull it together boys, or I’ll be eating Fatburgers and drinking Diet Cokes watching the Caps play for the Stanley Cup on Drew’s lap. Which, come to think of it, isn’t all the unappealing! 😉

after game day loss hang-over - i'm taking a bubble bath