Archive | Fauxnadian RSS feed for this section

It’s Baaaaaack! BOTB’s New Season.

26 Aug

If I could photoshop a unicorn coming out of this, I would. I'll work on that.

Freshly pressed … like that ex boyfriend that won’t go away or that itch you know where or that imaginary BFF you keep  inviting to events and telling all your other friends about but she never shows? YES – THAT’S BACK! In all its sparkly, bedazzled-oh-so-tight, spandexy, oh-no-they-didn’t-just-say-that-madness-glory.

The twist - guess which one is the HOCKEY player?

No Russians this time out so you out there who think I don’t like ‘those who shall not be named’, get ready because this time out they have a US player in the line up so I can start my flag waving early – I’M KIDDING! I love everybody. I’m an equal opportunity ranter – I’m about fairness and this show is about charity for some of the best ones in Canada so let’s keep it foremost in mind. Everybody’s a winner!

But they’ve added a twist. What’s that you say? A chick hockey player – hell yeah! The sisters are doin’ for themselves! But I’m calling Brad May as the winner early because I love him and I want to scream MAY DAY at the TV for the duration of the season.

Please – I’m shallow and I’ve looked over the cast, and quite honestly, he seems like the hottest one. That truly was the only reason I rooted for Val last year. He turned out to be quite talented to boot but it had nothing to do with him being Russian. He looked good in those ridiculous costumes!  A feat all by itself!

I anoint you winner of BOTB season 3 simply because you're hot.

Hockey Players

Wade Belak – Canadian

Bryan Berard – USA

Tessa Bonhomme- Canadian – CHICK

Boyd Devereaux – Canadian

Cale Hulse – Canadian (looks like a serial killer if you ask me)

Curtis Leschyshyn – Canadian

Brad May – It’s May Day! I am going to be screaming that at the TV every time. You can believe that. (Canadian)

(One more to be named) – Who will it be? Wayne Gretzky would be AWESOME and then paired with Johnny Weir! Totes Spectular!

who said unicorns don't exist!?

i have no words

Figure Skaters

Violetta Afanasieva

Tanith Belbin

Elena Berezhnaya

Marie-France Dubreuil

Marcy Hinzmann-Harris

Anabelle Langlois

Kim Navarro

David Pelletier

So tune in on Sunday,  September 18 for booty camp and Sunday September 25 for the first round of elimination to see who does the skate of shame first! It will keep you warm until Hockey season starts! Let the BOTB count down begin! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’m just sad no JR this year. Kurt Browning … REALLY? At least maybe he and Ron will consumate their love. It kills me watching them yearn for each other from afar!

Advertisements

Move Closer to the Screen

10 Aug

Sportchek’s new Crosby commercials are out!  Can I please live in Canada?  I believe it’s a magical place where things like this really happen… starring Sid as himself and an 8-year old kid as me.  Here’s the link – it’s even in French. 😉

Here’s the second one [link].  We miss his adorkableness something awful.

And the new SC87 gear advert.  JUST TAKE ALL OUR MONEY.

Intern Jeff Skinner isn’t going to be happy spending all day entering us into this:

Here’s the contest link.  You have to be Canadian to enter (that’s racist!), but you win for 4 people.  So you’ll take us, right?  We’ll even get to the ‘Burgh on our own, you can sleep across our empty seats on the plane.

Happy Canada Day!

1 Jul

May you get Tim Horton’s and a huge free agent contract.

Ggo out this weekend and celebrate.  If you’re American enjoying July 4th, we suggest you blast some Bryan Adams, then find a Canadian and hug him.

NBC Executives Ride Short Buses To Work

1 Jan

Watching the AWESOME Winter Classic and Fabulous Washington Capital’s 3-1 Win over the Pens holding whining Slew-Foot Sid pointless MADE MY NEW YEAR! Welcome 2011! But the bizarre camera angles and annoying comentary from NBC made me wish my fellow WUYS tweeters had access to the CBC feed. Because Mr. Cherrie and I would have rather watched our lovely Canadian’s coverage who grudgingly moved around their beloved HNIC schedule to accommodate the time change of the WC game. Only Toronto and Ontario got their game feed uninterrupted because it was “The Battle of Ontario.” Everyone else in Canada got to watch the WC.

But this is NOT about the Winter Classic. This is about a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT made during the Winter Classic. NBC announced HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA. Now, I don’t want to split hairs here or get all semantic in your jockstrap BUT there are several things wrong with this announcement.

NBC programming executive for HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA

First off, they stole this whole program from CANADA. I’d be the first person to congratulate them on creating such a thing but they didn’t. CANADA DID. It’s originally called HOCKEY DAY IN CANADA where ALL THE CANADIAN TEAMS IN CANADA PLAY EACH OTHER. It’s truly awesome and it’s HOCKEY ALL DAY! And you WATCH EACH GAME and it starts at the ass crack of dawn and goes to like midnight. Remember this point.

Secondly, HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA would technically include Canada and Mexico (South America if I REALLY want to go there). Last time I checked Mexico didn’t have  hockey teams nor do they play hockey on a regular basis. I am not trying to be all PC but if you are stealing something, at least let’s not encompass EVERYTHING! It should be called HOCKEY DAY IN THE U.S.

NBC executives might want to reference this

Next up – NBC will have four games that day with TWO starting at 3PM Eastern: Washington VS. Buffalo and Philadelphia VS. NY Rangers. Riddle me this Batman … How is this helpful to Hockey fans?  Who programmed this? How is this HOCKEY DAY …? Did NBC figure out how to split the space-time continuum? Are they THAT AWESOME? Oh but it gets better or more, OK, I’m going totally un-PC  – full on retarded – Pittsburgh VS. Chicago starts at 4 PM Eastern and THEN Detroit VS. Minnesota at 6 PM Eastern. Will someone explain to me how to watch all of these games?

The Coup-de Grassi in all of  this … not only are they stealing Hockey Day in Canada but they are putting Hockey Day in America against Canada’s Heritage Classic; THEIR version of the outdoor WINTER CLASSIC (which we stole). Wait for it …. ON VERSUS which NBC OWNS! What’s a hockey fan to do? And oh how rude to Canada …!

Holy Sparkly Flying Dancing Unicorn Out My Butt! Does NBC have no Shame? Don’t answer that. While I am normally the first to criticize Canada because I do not quite feel the same why about our neighbor to the north as Pants and Chuck, visiting as often as I do, this is simply unacceptable. It is poorly conceived and makes no sense. It’s bad for Hockey and not a good PR move for the NHL. Why not tie in WITH HOCKEY DAY IN CANADA … oh wait, THAT would make sense.

I can save HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA!

But that’s just me.

Thank you for…

25 Nov

Happy Thanksgiving!  On this American holiday, we here at WUYS would like to say thank you, Canada. Our underrated neighbor to the north doesn’t get enough love from anyone but hockey fans.  And last night, as I drove past the Canada exit on I-90 and turned toward the Penguins game in Buffalo, I actually yelled “Thanks Canada!” out loud.  My dad already knows I’m crazy.

I’m also very thankful for this, from my hockey pal & hero Mer.  There is a Dick’s Sporting Goods here, and I’m counting on the Black Friday madness to distract everyone while I tear this off the wall and run away.  She even named the photo perfectly: “Sid + OMG”.  I can’t think of anything to say that’s not, well… [censored].

Fire up the getaway car.

Does Winnipeg Really Exist?

22 Oct

To add to the recent debate over all things Canadian, I was watching The Soup (shout out to our Seattle native Joel McHale – our homey!) and the Kick Ass Clip of the Week was from – wait for it – CANADA! It led to a lively debate between Mr. Cherrie and I as to whether or not this was even real. I think if our political ads were like this, I would welcome them! Even if it’s not real, it’s fricken’ priceless and led to this other clip. Either way, it’s highly entertaining.

Maximum Failure

21 Oct

A few weeks back, Texas Matt, a good friend of mine and Pants, send us an email informing us of a little bar he discovered in the city of Athens, Georgia (the home of the University of Georgia) known as THE MAX CANADA. And anyone who knows us, knows how much Pants and I love our great neighbor to the North.  We are totally Fauxnadians.

Where the Canadian Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski hang out

So last weekend, when I went down to GA to visit Texas Matt, I insisted he take me to this bar.  In my head, I envisioned a place packed with Canadian ex-pats, wearing Roots gear and lumberjack outfits and drinking Molson or Labatt’s Blue while hockey games played on every single television.  During the commercial breaks, the entire crowd would break into song, singing the Canadian national anthem or the entire Barenaked Ladies catalog. My own little version of heaven.   Sort of like this…

 

*cue angelic choirs*

What I got, however, left me seriously disappointed.  Not only where there NO Canadians there, there was no Canadian flags, no hockey jerseys, and not a single one of the TVs showing any of the hockey games!

Uh, guys – your bar is called The Max CANADA and you don’t even show ONE hockey game?  Seriously?  Epic epic FAIL.

I know you are located in Athens, Georgia, where UGA football is basically a religion and this guy is the preacher…

The Reverend Uga

But if you’re going invoke our great neighbor to the North in your establishment’s name, the least you could do is incorporate SOME of the awesome things we love aboot Canada.

Maybe a Tim Horton’s coffee machine?