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The Case for Danny Briere

4 May

Lindsay tried to warn Chuck about this last night – I’m surprised Chuck didn’t lock me out of here today!

It’s not that serious, but I’ve got a recurring problem: every time I hear the Rascal Flatts song “Banjo,” I get really excited and start rocking out in my car.  It’s a good 30 seconds before my brain remembers, “ACK!  I don’t like Rascal Flatts!  That guy’s voice drills my brain!”

This is the same experience I have when Danny Briere scores (minus the dancing).  I don’t like the Flyers!  His voice gives me the creeps!  Yet I still get really, really happy for him.

AAGHHHWHAT?! I know. Just listen: he scored 16 goals this season.  As in all year.  He has 8 goals in the playoffs – as in the last three weeks!  Five were vs. Pittsburgh and each was a nail in my coffin.  Now I have more perspective.  It’s like walking into the gym after a late night, looking at the treadmill and thinking, “This is going to hurt.”  I’ve accepted that it’s going to happen, and happen often, so I might as well get something out of it.

I’ve been saving this till you were all buttered up over Claude.  Briere’s kids are adorable and everyone’s hair is too long!  It’s like a Disney movie waiting to happen – somebody sweep in and make these guys a meal with vegetables!  (Giroux moved out, but he’d probably come over for free dinner.  You might have to feed Couturier too [link].)

I’m not saying Danny Briere will be drafted by my fantasy hockey team composed entirely of hot dads.  Chuck hates his beard and that whispery voice.  But he’s kinda Lord of the Rings-ish, no?  Legolas by way of the Shire?  He looks like he’d be good with a bow and arrow.

Speaking of Flyers I don’t like but can’t help enjoying – I mean Hartnell in just this one case.  And when he falls down.  Maybe I should make a list!

For Linsday, here’s Giroux in another episode of Things That Are Also Orange:

The sun could be considered orange, and these legs need to see some of it.

I still want New Jersey to win, and for Foxy Friday Parise to keep a) losing his helmet and b) scoring goals like last night.  I’m not completely insane, just turning into a softie.  My only excuse is that I’m traumatized by the playoffs and need a trip to the quiet room.  Bright colors and a good old-fashioned Cinderella story are clearly distracting me.  I’m even giving myself the “Hall of Shame” tag for this lapse in good judgement.

Humongous Big Problem

3 Jan

And I’m not talking about the Universe….

I’m talking about the Philadelphia Flyers and goaltending.

For years now, the Flyers organization have had issues  finding just the right goalie to lead them to the Stanley Cup.  They came close in 2010 behind the tandem of Brian “Bobby” Boucher and Michael Leighton, but it just wasn’t enough. The team has lacked that netminder who brings consistency to the starting goaltender position and who hold on to the starting position for an extended period of time.

If the Bruins Stanley Cup run has shown us anything, it is that in order to win the Cup, you need to have goaltending. Tim Thomas was otherworldly last season and it is his stellar play along with the play of the entire team that brought them the ultimate hockey prize.

Any hockey fan can recognize that the Flyers are talented.  Claude Gingeroux might be one of the best young players in the NHL.  They have a solid core of young talent mixed in with veterans like Scott Hartnell, Danny Briere, and future NHL Hall of Famer Jaromir Jagr.  Coach Peter Laviolette has won a Cup before with the Hurricanes, so he’s proven that he can take a team all the way.  

I truly believe that the Flyers thought that bringing in Ilya Bryzgalov would solve their twine troubles.   He won the Cup in 2007 with the Ducks.  He is a 3-time Olympian, has won numerous international medals, was the runner-up for the Vezina Trophy and a top 5 finalist for the Hart Trophy in 2010.  He is, by all accounts, a top-flight NHL Goalie.

Flyers spend a pretty penny on signing Bryz in the off-season, to a nine-year,$51 million dollar contract.  The team believed in Bryz so much that they even went as far as to pull off two high-profile trades before the signing was announced in order to make room for him under the salary cap – Jeff Carter to Columbus and captain Mike Richards to Los Angeles.  Granted Flyers did receive some great young talent like Jakub Voraceck, Wayne Simmonds, and Brayden Schenn, and a grip of draft picks in return, but was it really all worth it?  Have the Flyers really gotten what they’ve so desperately desired?

Some might say yes, while others will lament that the Flyers made a terrible mistake. At yesterday’s Winter Classic, a marquee NHL event, you expect to see your #1 goalie on the ice.   Bryz rode the bench.   The Flyers’ other netminder, Sergei “Bob” Bobrovsky got the start. Probably not a terrible idea to go with Bob over Byrz since he’s been winless in his last four starts, going 0-3 and giving up 16 goals on 87 shots and Bobrovsky is 3-0 in his last three starts, giving up 6 goals on 88 shots.  

But it really didn’t matter who started.  Flyers lost anyway.

While the season is still a long way from over, it seems that despite the organization’s best efforts, the Flyers’ goaltending conundrum continues. 

Now, by no means, do I actually want the Flyers to win.    As a Bruins fan, it is not in my DNA to allow that.  But I am a hockey fan and I appreciate the struggle and desires of players and fans, and the hope an entire city places in 20 men on their quest to obtain the pinnacle of hockey supremacy.

Foxy Friday: Brian Boyle

30 Dec

Damn you, HBO.

Damn you to the 7th level of hell with your evil ways and your trickery. Damn you for making me fall in love with NHL players that I should hate.

Take Brian Boyle, for example.

I should hate Brian Boyle.  And by hate, I mean HAAAAAAATE.  Like fire of a thousands suns HATE.

The man is a Ranger AND he played for Boston College (BC Sucks!).  My hatred for this man should be absolute.

Believe me.  I’ve tried to hate him.  I swear.  But I’ve failed.

As much as it pains me to admit it, I have to face the facts.

Brian Boyle is *gulp* Foxy.

He’s 6’7″, 244 lbs and was the 26th overall draft pick in the 2003 NHL Draft. He is a local guy who grew up cheering for the Boston Bruins.  He is the middle of 13 kids (God Bless his dear mother). He has AH-MAH-ZING hair.  His hands make me swoon.  Eddie Cahill (aka Jim Craig) is his doppelgänger.

NOT Brian Boyle.

So he doesn’t put up numbers like some other Ranger forwards. No big deal.  What he lacks in stats, he more than makes up for it with wit and humor.

And THAT, my friends, is just one of the reasons that Brian Boyle is this week’s Foxy Friday honoree.

He’s goofy and funny and undoubtedly one of the most liked guys in the Rangers locker room.  He’s a gem on 24/7 (waking up from nap, Proust helping him get dressed) and comes across as genuine and easy-going.

He can be on my beer pong team any day.

Being around him must be joyful and fun and we can only imagine that playing with him is even more enjoyable.  I really don’t think there would ever be a dull moment with Brian Boyle around.

Brian, you had me at “SANTA! I KNOW HIM.”


Last week, I thought Pants was off her rocker for choosing Ryan Callahan as the Foxy Friday.

But now, here I am.

Just as guilty and brainwashed as she is.


NHL Realigns. Emergency Staff Meeting.

6 Dec

Late last night, the NHL’s Board of Governors approved a radical realignment plan that will completely reshape the busted up, crooked nose, missing teeth face of the NHL.

Normally, things like this don’t confuse us.  We consider ourselves pretty sharp ladies with excellent hockey acumen (uh, we DID go to BU after all), especially when it comes to the inner workings of the NHL…but frankly this one is going to take a bit to wrap our heads around.

Okay…emergency WUYS staff meeting!  While Intern Jeff Skinner sets up the whiteboard and organizes all our colorful markers, allow us to break it down for you like “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo”.

  • Goodbye, two conference, six division setup.  Hello, four-conference set up based on geography.  Two conferences will have 8 teams, the other two will have 7.  But can someone explain to us how Florida and Tampa Bay ended up in a conference with Boston, Buffalo, and Ottawa?  Did the NHL even bother to look at a map?
  • Green light still needed from the Players.  NHLPA will get the chance to weigh in on the proposal, but the new structure should go into effect starting next season.  But we don’t see this not passing.  Highly doubt the league would have approved it if they did not feel that they would get support from the players.
  • Air travel makes the Sedin Twins Grumpy.  The new four-conference set up was drawn up because several of the Western Conference teams were unhappy with all the travel between one, two, sometimes even three time zones.  Also some of those teams says that the late start of road games in PST (10pm on East Coast) were affecting fan interest.  Uh, we’re kinda guilty here.  Hey, we love to watch the Sharks but we have things to do.  Like sleep.  How else do you think we maintain our beauty and youthful appearances?
  • NHL focuses their chi. Finds balance.  New alignment will allow the NHL to create a schedule where all teams (yes, ALL TEAMS) will play each other at least twice every season (one at home, one on the road).  This, we like. A lot.  It means that the fans will get to see every team and every superstar in the league, at least once.  We want to kiss the man who came up with this brilliant idea.
  • Our new Powerball numbers: 7-6-3-3-8-5-6-3-6-4-5.  In the seven-team conference, teams would play 6 times (3 @ home, 3 away).  In eight-team conference, teams would play either 5 or 6 times in a season, on a rotating basis (3 teams play each other 6 times, 4 teams play each other 5 times).  Uh, we don’t like this.  Too much math. Our brains hurt.
  • Stanley Cup Playoffs will become Steel Cage Death Match.  Only the top 4 teams in each conference would qualify for SCP.  1st vs. 4th, 2nd vs 3rd.  Four conference champs would meet in 3rd round of playoffs, with winners playing for the ultimate hardware.  So no more #8 seed upsetting the #1 seed.  *sadface* But those games were SO MUCH FUN!

Conferences are yet unnamed, but we really hope the NHL doesn’t go with something lame like North, Atlantic, Midwest, and West.  Actually, we’ve been brainstorming some awesome ones ourselves.

Quick, Jeffy – toss me that purple marker!

This is what we’ve come up with so far…

  • Adams Conference
  • Patrick Conference
  • Norris Conference
  • Smythe Conference
  • Campbell Conference
  • Wales Conference
  • Tim Thomas Conference
  • Panda Conference

What about you?  What would you name these four new conferences?

Right now, this radical realignment of our beloved NHL has yet to fully sink in.  Give us some caffeine and a hot minute.

Check in with us next season to see how we truly feel about the whole thing.

You know we’re going to have something hilariously clever to say.

Intern Desk: Win a Date

20 Oct

Intern Jeff Skinner here, announcing an Independent Study that I’m taking as part of my job with WUYS.  Why not do more work, eh?  It’s not like they pay me.  My objective (as clearly stated in my WUYS Thesis Outline) is to get Pants and Gator to come to Raleigh to see me.  I went to DC and they only came over for 10 minutes, then spent the entire time looking at Captain Eric.  I know he’s blond.  I KNOW!

I’m breaking out the big guns (and I don’t mean my new arms… this time):

See that bobblehead?  The one with the Calder Trophy we’re giving away on 11/14?  Match that to your Logan Couture teal nail polish, Pants!  But it turns out Chuck will be in DC that weekend.  WHAT.  How about wall clings on 12/1 – perfect for the office!  The car!  But the freaking Penguins are in DC that night.  First Chuck, then Neal.  I might have to call that James Neal up right now and give him a piece of my mind.  I have his number, did you know that Pants?  Oh, you’ve secured DCPD cell phone triangulation equipment?  Well FINE!

That’s right – I’m giving away a DATE.  How do you like that?  There are zero details on this promotion because I am mysterious and playing hard-to-get.  And in case Pants wins, because then we’re going to Canada and I’m drinking a beer.  I can do that now.

Once around the tree, the fox chased the rabbit...

You guys should enter the contest – it’s right here [link].  Pants already entered, I checked.  If you won, we could go apple picking or Christmas caroling and she’d be really jealous.  We could go to Eric’s for pre-game meal, then I’d give you a jersey and score you a goal and everything.  I hear girls love that stuff.  Then I’d be all shy and embarrassed when they ask about you post-game but I’ll just say that I could hear you cheering loudest of all.

Sigh.  That sounds pretty good, eh?  I hope you win.  Yes, you.  I’ll post lots of pictures of our date on WUYS and not even bring Pants a Mexicola that day.  Then she’ll have to come to Carolina.

Happy Birthday Pants!

11 Oct

From your partner-in-crime.

Yea.  Berfdai.

Stammer, Tazer, Greener, Sid, and Nealmobile have choreographed something very special for you.

You’re welcome.

Hawks – Class of 2011

27 Sep

Welcome to the 2011-2012 Chicago Blackhawks season.  Also known as Patrick Kane’s 10th birthday party.

Patrick is *really* excited because him mom got him a new Huffy bike and the double chocolate peanut butter ice cream cake that all the cool kids had last year.  Duncan is psyched because he stole that kid’s cake and just ate the last piece he had in the shoebox under his bed.  Now he’s coming for this cake.

Sharp is mentally calculating the value of the presents vs. the cost of the party and creating a Profits & Loss sheet.  He’ll then determine the compounding interest forecast for investing in Patrick’s 11th birthday party.  Economic indicators are not good.

Jonathan is figuring out how to get each of Patrick’s sisters alone in the treehouse and which one is mostly likely to believe he’s a doctor.
He’d better hurry, because Brent is planning to set that treehouse on fire.