Tag Archives: battle of the blades

Ovechkin Punches One Through and The Other Alex Hats A Trick!

16 Feb

Hopefully my view in SJ!

The Caps finally snap their regulation losing streak against Pacific Division teams this season beating the Ducks 7-6! Semin had his FOURTH hat trick of the season (video). He is one of only two players in the NHL right now with that honor. For a dude with a scoring drought, he certainly knows how to come back from them with style!

vodka shots for EVERYONE!

My honey Ovi had a masterful goal basically willing the puck into the net with brute force while falling between two Ducks – using my now infinite wisdom from reporting on BATTLE OF THE BLADES, I’d call it a true – SHOOTING THE DUCK – so take that Todd Warriner. Anything you can do, Ovechkin will do it better AND score a goal while doing it (video). 

NOT Ovi's goal

Oh and did I mention Varly got pulled after the first period – OK – Mr. Cherrie says,  “He didn’t start the second period.” But then I can’t say – “Varly got pulled like a Pork sammy left out on a hot summer day. Smelled like one too.” 😦  Have I mentioned – WHEN ARE THE CAPS GOING TO GET A REAL GOALIE? No offense my sweet, Neuvy. You make an awesome #2 and maybe a real goalie when you hit puberty. No, Yes? Maybe? A goalie? Not an imploding Russian Spy satellite or Lon Chaney’s bastard son. But something akin to a wall, not, let’s say a sieve, like this blog? BB, can you hear me now?

I’m just getting warmed up for SJ. Packing bags, putting on the lucky sweats and the magic necklace – oh – you all didn’t SEE THAT. Well, that will be another post. Pants will let you know if she survives 24 hours with me! 😉

Shaken, Stirred and I Can’t Fricken Believe it! BOTB Winner Is …

22 Nov
I would never have called this!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

ValKat! and I’m not just sayin’ it because that who is I have been championing all season! I honestly would not have called this in my wildest dreams and if you’ve been following my posts, you know THOSE ARE PRETTY DAMN WILD. HOLY SIDNEY CROSBY IN MARIO LEMIEUX’S BASEMENT! I sat in front of the TV with my jaw on the floor speechless which is actually a very rare state to ever find me – ask Mr. Cherrie.

I was going to whine about how I had to suffer through two nights of TWO HOURS of BOTB this week, normally I have to watch only and hour on Sunday a mercifully short half hour on Monday. But this week the one hour finale was a super painful – chock-full of all sorts of non-sense filler including an all-men’s skate of a cowboy theme about save a horse, ride a cowboy. Which well, yes, I would, in fact, like to take Val up on that. I won’t further bore you with any of that.

yeah ... baby!

But I will comment about the night before because the guest judge was actually someone you might know because I actually remember watching him skate back in the 1984 Olympics and he was simply adorbs last night. He was Christopher Dean, the ice dancing male partner of the famous gold medalists of Torvill and Dean who wowed the world with their amazing performance of “Bolero”.

 

Anyway, his comments were fabulous and funny and spot on, his hair was AMAZING and after ValKat skated his comment sent Sandra Bezik and every female in the audience and watching into a warm and giggly mass of hysteria which created a perfect storm that must have sent every female in Canada to the phone and the internet to vote for Valeri – good job my man, good job! Mission accomplished. As Christopher said after ValKat skated, “Shaken, stirred and still standing!” YOW! See, I’m not the only one hot and bothered after they skate. 😉

It actually reaffirms my faith in people who if you are the best in a competition, you might actually win regardless of your nationality. So I will apologize Canada – I’m glad you saw past the pair as Russian and awarded them the trophy because they were skating for Canadian charities. They were truly on another level than any other pair out there week after week. It was a win-win all around.

So now my Sunday nights will be pain-free – oh yeah, until that special in December called “After the Ice” or something which will reveal secrets of this last season now that the winners have been revealed. Please, please, please for the love of God, stop beating this dead, sparkly unicorn!

Little pre-season interview nugget with Val that I found – God he’s adorable.

BOTB: That Was All a Bad Dream Episode

15 Nov

You remember in the 80’s when TV writers didn’t know how to end the big cliff hanger episode on Dallas or Moonlighting so they did the Ol’ have Maddy and Bruce get together – something you’ve been waiting for, like forevs, only to be sucker punched like Avery, to find out Maddy was having a bad case of od’ing on Midol and it was all a PMS dream? Well welcome to this week’s episode of BOTB!

Back when Bruce was hot.

It opened with Kurt teaching Ron how to figure skate … yes, you heard me. Talk about being a toe pick tease. Kurt even made a reference about Ron ‘coming out of the figure skating closet’. I’m telling you, I had my popcorn ready for a full on make out session – but no. After weeks of being teased, it STILL DIDN’T HAPPEN. You know why? Because Ron’s real life metro-sexual life partner was this week’s guest judge – MY HOCKEY HUSBAND – the great DONALD S. CHERRY – let the true goo-goo eyes begin as Ron breathlessly whispers ‘Grapes’ and all sorts other sweet nicknames they must call each in the throes of passion between HNIC commercial breaks.

Grapes and Ronny-Poo

But the REAL hilarity ensued with the super-sweet flashback to JR’s ‘childhood’ when Grapes and Ronny-poo visited JR’s parents 20 years ago to watch JR play in the Stanley cup finals at their house. With JR’s adorable Dad in his red sweat pants showing Grapes JR’s various trophies. Grapes has to comment about how “That’s not a very big trophy for being the highest scorer.” Really Grapes? Is Ron’s ‘trophy’ bigger? You realize JR was just a kid? Is that legal in Canada? You know, for an old man you only played ONE GAME IN THE NHL. He is really an ASS – you heard me. Many people do not realize this old goat only played ONE GAME IN THE NHL.

 

Anyway, fast forward to JR cowering in the corner  like he just had a really bad acid flash back or was banging his head against the table while that video was being shown. Not sure which or maybe it was both. May explain a little more about JR. Now mind you, this all happened before the first commercial break!

It was “Men’s night”. Yes, and don’t ask me to explain because I still have no real idea what that meant except that each dude had to skate for 30 seconds solo. For Ron and Grapes, I imagine that is too long for either of them at their age to sustain anything and I will just leave it at that.

I am Man.. hear me roar.

So how was the skating? Well, Patrice the boring frenchman tripped several times and yet, the judges gave him a pass. Kelly actually manage to pull off something that resembled skating for once and instead of viagra induced fist pumps, we got finger stabbing at the camera. Todd is looking more and more like Cesare Romero from the original BATMAN TV series and his skating was blah. Val, oh Val. He had a very small fall. Not at all as noticeable as the tripping frenchman but again, because Canadians hate Russians, he was severely punished and slammed for it. Grapes even makes a comment about not knowing that Russians could be ‘that good in the corners’ and starts rambling on about how much better Val’s brother was than him and too bad he’s retired because Calgary could use him now. WOW! I bet the Sutter brothers are happy about that slam on national TV!

 

Hey Calgary, I'm hot and available and good in the corners!

Thank God as I mentioned it was all a bad dream because even though ValKat was in the skate off against Kelly, they will be in the FINALLY next week. And yes, I misspelled that on purpose.

 

John Travolta and Trannies …God Loves Canada!

9 Nov

Opps.

What’s that you say? What do those things have to do with hockey? If you’re Theo Fleury and Todd Warriner you get dressed up as John Travolta in tight white pants and hot purple sparkles and skate to “Saturday Night Fever” and die a slow sad death. If you’re Todd, you cross dress you’re way almost out of the competition skating to “Brick House” if Theo hadn’t almost dropped his partner on her head!

Not hot.

This week’s theme was “From screen to stage” … ahhh. It was more like theme songs from Disaster Movies. I also keep waiting for Kurt Browning and Ron Maclean to start making out at the beginning of each program. They stare into each others eyes so deeply it’s startling. It would also be highly entertaining. More so than some of the skating!

But on to what is REALLY important – How did Val skate? AWESOME – what else would you expect? He pulled another hat trick this week scoring two sixes from the judges! He skated to “From Russia with Love”. I’ve provided the video below because really, words simply don’t do his performance justice. ICE ICE BABY!

BOTB: All JR All The Time

1 Nov

Canada should just rename this “The Jeremy Roenick Show” because he is the only reason to watch. While it was Halloween, Jeremy showed up as a ‘vampire/frankenstein’ which really looked like he was in drag which really looked like just another excuse for him to wear women’s underwear and grinned like he had a secret that we all really knew anyway but were just humoring him. Of course the usual jokes ensued about it being JR’s normal face etc. ha ha ha – NOT.

Just another day for JR!

Curtis Joseph was the guest judge. Wait for it … yes, another sad attempt for Halloween humor from our friends up north – Cujo – get it, Stephen King – Cujo – Guest Judge – Halloween – Scary – Get it? Am I done? No, I wish I was because we should have turned this into a drinking contest for every time they mentioned this and JR’s face in this hour program – Now THAT would have been fun! Mr. Cherrie and I do that when we watch Capital Games and they mention the Hershey Bears.

Yes, you may have noticed I haven’t even mentioned any of the skating programs, that’s because they all pretty much sucked, and not in the cool, vampire, sexy – I heart Robert Pattinson – I want him to bite me – kind of way. They sucked in the – that is why they were voted off and should no longer be participating – I want to stab myself multiple times to make the pain of watching this bearable – I wish I was watching anything else – even that sucky – Vampires Suck- movie kind of way.

So I will stake this post and show more mercy than I received having to wade through this nightmare and tell you that the worst possible out come happened: Patrice – I have absolutely no personality – and his skating skank Shae Lynn who were voted off last week – were re-instated and will be back to terrorize BOTB next week. *SIGH* Which was truly the most terrifying thing that happened.

Canada – Russians Do it Better – Sorry!

18 Oct

i can skate - even in this shirt!

Again this week they put ValKat in the bottom two when they are by far and away the best skaters – which makes me think Canadian’s are Russian skater-haters! Seriously, I don’t think my blood pressure can take many more of these episodes. Patrice and Shae-Lynn had a far less difficult routine but scored the highest so far this season – but riddle me this Batman? ValKat have done two firsts in three routines for BOTB – double lutz and a double throw. So how can they be continuously in the bottom two? Even in this shirt smokin’ hot Val does not deserve to go home and thank god – he didn’t! My life will go on! But my inner publicist says – Val – don’t let them show you having a snit. Not good PR. Next week think warm and fuzzy! Keep it hot – you know how to! 😉

If Canada would allow US residences to vote, I think this would have a completely different result but they won’t allow us to – which totally blows!

As I write this, Mr. Cherrie is watching Men with Brooms, another Canadian show and the vending machine is tormenting one of the characters – with a RUSSIAN ACCENT – OK – don’t make me go there – again – I will turn to Johnny Weir! While words really can’t do justice to anything Johnny-Weir-esque: He looks like a bastard child of Ziggy Stardust and something Sarah Palin shot down from a plane in Alaska and God bless him for it! Now that’s entertainment…

Around the NHL News and more …

18 Oct

Ok, Pants can totally attest to the fact that I came up with this earlier and I’m not sharing my idea here but IN THE NEWS … the NHL is partnering with Stan Lee’s SLG Entertainment LLC to create new comic heroes modeled after each team in the league. I am only going to report on this because I promised not to make fun of a certain player and this would be like shooting fish in a barrel. But I will note that I CAN’T WAIT to see what they do with Ovi! SQUEEL! I think I just set off all the dogs in the neighborhood again … oh well. They are used to it.

i just like him ... well, maybe the russian chicken dance?

In other news, last night in BATTLE OF THE BLADES, Valeri wore the most atrocious outfit on earth! But even he can work that and work it he did! He is by far the best technical skater. Are they trying to get him voted off? OK – don’t answer that because we know they are. But he could have said no – I think. Plus, the practice video showed him having a full-on Russian snit-fit. I’m sure the translation wasn’t “Darn …”

I also have to note that if Kelly Chase doesn’t finally go home after yet another Viagara induced spasmodic jerky-freak out, I might kick in my television because that is enough to cause birth control for all of Canada!

BUT! that best part is TONIGHT, TONIGHT … cue them from “Westside Story” because I have only two names to drop for you and then you have to wait for tomorrow’s glorious post: Johnny Weir skates to Lady Gaga’s JUST DANCE … oh yes, I just wrote that!