Tag Archives: Pittsburgh Penguins

Because It’s The Cup Campaign

10 Apr

Dawn, Ovi - sorry for the bad season. I do better in play-offs. I promise. BOOM! hahahahahahah

So when this campaign started the feedback was terrible so they adjusted it STAT because it was like the MasterCard ad, the Hockey Discover Card and “I Just Want My Pants Back” had a drunken three way, someone got pregnant and no one wanted to take responsibility for the monster that came of it.

Hockey fans will tell you straight up when something stinks.

I get TPTB wanted to include the fans but thank god we bascially got a bastard child of HISTORY WILL BE MADE! I don’t want to see faux Hollywood replicas of what they think we are doing in our homes/bars/favorites hockey watching spots. Trust me – WE KNOW. And it wasn’t what they were showing us.

I want to see Ovi telling me what he’s GOING to do in the play-offs.

Dear NHL - stilling waiting for Letang's solo "Because of the Cup" ad. Statistically speaking - Pens can win without St. Sid but not with out #58. Just sayin'

I want to see Kris Letang brush his sexy hair out of his face and smile at me as he skates at the screen.

I want to see Erik Karlsson and his glorious mullet, all awkward and sh&t.

Dear little man, may you win the Norris if Kris Letang (a complete dark horse but I wish would win) doesn't.

 Hell, I’d even take Jagr saluting me! (not quite but see below for you hard core philly fans – bless you all!)

You've grown on me like a fungus but you make me laugh - which is hard to do!

It isn’t quite that but it will do for now. So for your viewing pleasure if you haven’t seen these yet:

40 is the New Foxy

4 Apr

Uh, there’s something missing from your post Chuck.

James Neal’s 40th goal of the season!

The Nealmobile was honking like mad last night as James hit this milestone.  His previous career-high was 27 goals in 2009-10.  How fun it must be to play alongside Geno (105 points this year) and sometimes Sid (22 points in 12 games back).  Added to his 41 assists, Neal has 81 points on the year.

Can I get in on this hug?

James’ salary this year was $3.5 million, which works out to $87,500 a goal (oh my).  He’s worth it.  The new contract pays his $ mill/year, which means he’ll score 57 goals next season.  Yeah, sounds about right.

Chuck did include the Neal/Ference fight.  I was yelling, “Not the hands!” and “Kick his ass!” in the same breath.  Thanks to those of you who were worried about my well being.  I survived by fanning myself with a copy of Cosmo.

Not enough?  Here’s Nealmobile’s post-game interview with really bad audio (and yes, I do care what he’s saying) – link.

Battle of the Blog: Pants vs. Chuck (again)

4 Apr

Last night was yet another Battle of the Blog: Pants vs. Chuck.

Pants won.

You know who didn’t win?  (I mean besides me and the Bruins, of course.)

Johnny Boychuk and Joe Vitale

At 6:45 of the 3rd period, Boychuk collided awkwardly with Arron Asham and crumpled to the ice.

I screamed “Boychuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkk Nooooooooooooooooo.”  Immediate *facepalm*  It did not look good.

He ended up leaving the ice, placing no weight on his left leg, his arms draped over the shoulders of his teammates, Chris Kelly and Brian Rolston.  After the game, he was seen limping from the locker room and will most likely be reevaluated today.

Fingers (and toes) crossed that the injury isn’t as serious at it looks.  The Bruins defence is already sans Darth Quaider (whose mullet is looking even more ridiculous nowadays and I love it) and the potential of losing our #3 defenceman is not something I really want to think about with the playoffs just around the corner.  Boych has a dominating presence on the Bs blueline, is the team’s hardest hitter, and has a wikkid slappa.  Luckily, the Bruins have some depth at defense, so we might be okay.

And then we have Joe Vitale – he of Northeastern Hockey and Foxy Friday fame.

Usually, all sorts of good things happen for our Foxy Fridays.  It is like a little good luck charm.

Well, not so much for Mr. Vitale last night.

He took a Zdeno Chara slapshot to the face.  A ZDENO CHARA SLAPSHOT TO THE FACE! 

Everyone in the world screams “NOT THE FACE”! Everybody *facepalms*.

This is a story that Vitale will tell to his grandchildren, after bribing them to listen to him with Werther’s Originals.

 “See this scar here?  One time, kids, there was a great bear of man.  His name was Chara.   He was the biggest man I’d ever seen.  He shot a puck 100 miles an hour.  I stopped it with my face.  And I’m alive today to tell you this story.”

No word yet on the severity of his injury, but we’re pretty sure that our stash of Muppet bandaids aren’t going to be enough.

In other game news…

Sidney Crosby scored two goals.  He’s the best player in the game…blah blah blah.

Kris Letang looked like the Italian soccer team with all that diving and flopping.  Even Pants agrees with me that it was a bad penalty call on Rich Peverley.  Sure the stick got a little high, but Letang whipped that hair back like he was Willow Smith.

Beniot Pouliot scored his 15th goal of the season…and it was, like, really pretty.   That was his 31st point of the season, which is a career high.

Andrew Ference RAGED against the goal machine that is James Neal.  One of the best moments of the game, for sure.

Broadcast News

3 Apr

Mike Milbury is talking crap again.  In other news, water is wet.

He made some derogatory remarks about Sidney Crosby is a Philly radio interview discussing the brawl at the end of Saturday’s game.  He called Sidney a “punk” and a “goody two shoes” among other things that you can read about on ESPN.com [link].

This cat? Smarter than Mike Milbury. (Real accidental internet gem.)

Let me say, as a huge Crosby fan, that sometimes he is a punk and a goody-two shoes.  It’s like saying sometimes Scott Hartnell is a goon – he’s still an awesome hockey player.  Ovi is lazy – we know this.  Then he lights it up and you remember why you don’t really care. (Bad example, I care about that one.)  Patrick Kane dives, Jonathan Toews pouts, Ryan Kesler gets his naked pictures Photoshopped (insists Jess).  Get over it!  You want to hate him, so you’re really just complaining about something you don’t want to stop.

Look, I don’t care if you like Crosby or not.  I could defend him for days, but loving to hate someone is half the fun!  I have been brainwashed by the Capitals and I still hate Ovi, so I get it.

What Milbury’s doing here, aside from making Liam McHugh wish for a new job, is pandering.  He knew his audience, that their blood was up about the game.  Now he’s sorry.  MY ASS, BUDDY.  He realizes now his remarks were “inappropriate and wrong?”  That’s like saying “no offense” then being really offensive, or ending an insult with “bless his heart.”  Milbury has to cover who knows how many more Pens games this season, and is suddenly worried he’ll seem foolish or biased.  Oh no, we might not respect his opinions!  I’m laughing so hard I can’t even hear what he’s blabbering about.

Milbury’s other big contribution to the world in this interview was:

[Crosby]’s not the perfect gentleman. He’s not the sweet kid you see in interviews with his hat pulled down over his eyes.”

WHAT?  REALLY?!  I’ve been waiting here ages in this dress for him to pick me up, and I’m pretty sure prom is over by now!

Does anyone think this?  Who is Milbury astonishing with this news?  Mike must be in the tanning bed between his intermission segments, because anyone who thinks that Crosby, or any player, is out there selling Girl Scout Cookies must be new around here.  (Insert vision here of Stamkos skating cross-ice to tackle Troy Brouwer after a hit – we don’t want pushovers on our teams!)

Matt Cooke, past life.

You can read Sid’s comments at the same link.  I wish he’d just said, “Does anyone care what Mike Milbury says?” and left it.  Answering only makes things worse.  (Gah! I’m doing it too!)  All that matters in the end is if you performed and if you won – and even Crosby-haters can’t argue with the scoresheet.

Since Sid won’t say it, and certainly isn’t the only player who wants to, I will.  Shove it, Milbury.  Preferably somewhere where we’re not forced to watch you.

We Don’t Like You Either!

2 Apr

If you weren’t watching the Penguins/Flyers game yesterday afternoon, you probably wondered what that noise was.  It was the rest of us screaming.

I could (and will) watch this all day.  The amount of awesome cannot be expressed.  Even Pierre is speechless.  I wish they’d kept his mic live so we could hear Laviolette screaming.  He and Granato were both ejected, but not before Lavi picked up a stick and smashed it.  Of course, it was Max Talbot’s stick.

“He broke my stick and I was pretty sad about that.  It was a good stick,” Max said (which is why I still love him).

Watch Giroux, he’s begging for someone to draw him off the bench.  That would have broken Pierre’s heart, because he spent the whole game fangirling over Claude.  It was like his old flame Sidney didn’t even exist.  How fickle, Pierre!  Near the end there’s a great shot of  James Neal screaming at Zac Rinaldo.  I was fanning myself with a magazine, I swear.

There were all kinds of reasons for this melee – Schenn cross-checking Crosby, Bylsma putting his 4th line out for the late shift, Vitale crushing Briere in open ice – but mostly it happened because these are the Penguins and the Flyers.  They love to hate each other.  They’ll do it again Saturday, and probably in the first round of the playoffs.

Can you imagine?  No one win too much, you have to play each other!  Too bad (for me) the Pens couldn’t get the win yesterday.  They’re still one point up on the Flyers and can maintain home ice advantage.  You can read more about the insults and challenges traded post-game here.

Here’s the Crosby post-game interview [link], or you could just…

Is this an ad for something? Or just for his thighs?

And for the Flyers fans, I couldn’t find a Gingeroux post-game so here he is being interviewed with his dad [link].  Or if you prefer…

Your future family.

Honk for Hat Tricks!

21 Mar

Ohhhh, HAT trick. I thought you said PANT trick.  That’s how my jeans ended up on the ice.  Could I have them back?

Flower says, "THIS is the game I don't start?"

Nealmobile had a hat trick last night!  It was the second of his career and first with the Penguins, for a whopping 37 goals on the season.

Goal #1: Stand There, Look Pretty

James does a great job of being open in the right spot.  But look at that passing!  Sid, no-look to the outside to Geno cross-ice in the slot… I weep, it’s so beautiful.

Goal #2: Yaaaaaaaaaaay!

We heart rebounds. Listen to the fan yell when he scores, “Yaaaaaaaaay!” That’s either Kermit the Frog or me.

Goal #3: If You Just Smile

… and have a wicked wrist shot.  Look at him trying not to smile.

Post-Game: Aw, Shucks.

Some other guys played pretty well last night too, in the Penguins 8-4 win over Winnipeg.  TK had 2G, Geno had 2G/3A, Crosby had 4A.  Pucks were flying and TK came thisclose to a hat trick of his own.

Things I Love.

Pittsburgh is one point behind the NY Rangers, who take on Detroit at home tonight.  Go WINGS!  (Haha, what?!)   The Penguins host the Predators tomorrow – lets hope it brings them a shot at the #1 spot in the Eastern Conference!  I’m holding on to the Penguins/Capitals first round dream (and bank account).

Sh*t Nobody Says – Pittsburgh Edition

15 Mar

As the resident Ovechkin fan, I’m used to being odd-man-out so I’m just going to go for it today in this edition of:

With the return of Crosby, is it REALLY a good idea? I give you the following reasons:

1. Chemistry – Malkin is ON F*CKING FIRE. His run for the Hart trophy could be stifled too. Fair? Discuss.

2. They are, already, pardon my Charlie Sheen re-hash – WINNING!

3. With only a few games left and a tough schedule, Rangers, Philadelphia, no one is going to treat the kid with, ‘kid gloves’ so why, with the above points, bring Sidney back? Let him completely recover and start fresh next year.

4. Pittsburgh has so much depth in their line-up and I’m not suggesting this because I want them to lose, I just honestly can’t go through another CROSBY’S RETURN -THE DECADE, two years was honestly enough.

5. On a brighter note, I have it on VERY GOOD AUTHORITY, SEXY SHOW PONY …

What's that you say?

I told you, I'm playing tonight. Got it? Not, girls love. But they do.

So he no longer needs a hobby because he's baaaaaaack! But I'll wear a leash and he can walk me!



So, you’ll know where I’ll be about 4:00 PM PDT today. And if MY PRETTY PONY is still sidelined, I still have my Sidney Crosby drinking game to keep company! 🙂

Cheers! DC