Tag Archives: Fear the Beard

Going All the Way

26 May

Chuck is inconsolable today about having the face Game 7 tomorrow night in Boston.  Baby, this is the story of my life.  Try to remember that drama is what the playoffs are about.  It’s why we love them.  That sick-to-your-stomach feeling that ends in leaping around the living room or lying face down on the rug.  This is what hockey is all about.

Meanwhile, what is this about?

Squish, are you doing some modern art negative-space beard installation?  Does a full mustache interfere with sniffing your gear for relative freshness this late in the season?

Chuck loves you and hates you and love-hates you and wishes you played for the Bruins.  All 5’8″ of you.

And Steven.  You have reached the tipping point in your first ever playoffs.  This beard – who even knew you could grow a beard?  Who expected it to be so burly?  You can’t fight the lumberjack in these Canadian boys.

Watch the postgame presser here [video] – he keeps touching his face like he can’t believe it either.

So Game Seven it is.  Gator and I tested the functionality of our life plan: leave work in DC at 3 PM, fly to Boston ($375 -ish but I have miles!), buy tickets ($200), crash on Chuck’s floor.  If she’d let Gator in the door with I LOVE YOU STEVEN written on her face in blue marker.  Sadly this plan will not work.  But at the rate we change our life plans around here, we may have another by Friday night.

I will protect this house.

The Beard is Here

9 May

Game 6 in Nashville is tonight after the Preds dropped the Red Wings 4-3 over the weekend.  In a related story, it’s a good thing the Preds fly charter because I’m not sure this beard would pass airport security:

With glasses?  Please stop.  He’s making a bid to be Mike Green’s Sensitive New Age Defenseman (SNAD) partner.  He looks like he has one last paper to finish before he can graduate with that degree in Dead Languages.  Either that or he’s on the lam after robbing a bank and attempting to fool facial recognition software.

It’s Alive

29 Apr

Shea Weber’s beard was interviewed before and after the Preds’ 1-0 loss to Vancouver in Game 1.  I cannot express how much I want Nashville to win.  Not only do I hate the Canucks (especially now, PTSD!) but we need more time for this to reach its full potential:

I can’t seem to link to the Preds TV interview, but you can find it on the homepage of NHL.com.  They too are fascinated with the beard.

A beard is an excellent accessory for looking disappointed or frustrated.  It’s got gravitas, right?  Pretty soon it’ll be moving into a bunker in the Canadian wilderness, stocked full of canned goods and ammunition.

Beard, Still Here

25 Apr

The Nashville Predators advanced to Round 2… and the beard lives on.  Shea Weber’s beard is the top ranking search term around here every day.  The Foxy Friday alum has also been nominated for the Norris Trophy.  That’s a pretty badass few days.

Chuck Norris eats trophies for breakfast.

They join the Red Wings and Capitals in the waiting room to see who they’ll play next.  Nashville (#5) is the only team so far to upset a higher seed (Ducks were #4).  It’s also worth pointing out that both Chuck and I picked the Preds to win this series, because we’re clearly in charge of everything.

Sorrs, Perr.

I went to a Preds game back in their first season (I am that old) and had a great time.  Brand new arena, almost no one knew what was going on.  It’s great to see Nashville becoming a serious hockey town and getting so behind their team.  Phoenix could only dream of this.  Here’s hoping they face Detroit in the next round, because it means San Jose and Chicago both won.

Beard Watch

22 Apr

We have reached a critical stage in Beard Watch 2011.  The Preds and Ducks are tied 2-2 and it’s looking like this series could go seven games.  In fact, we hope so.  Because this thing is getting epic.

Agent Orange

Shea Weber is approaching Level ELMO.  He was somewhere between bath time and Rubber Duckie, now he’s leaning toward “Here fishy, fishy, fishy!”

Faster than you can say “a la peanut butter sandiwches!”, Shea will be getting trimming that beard clear of his eyes to see the ice.  By round 2 he’ll be combing and braiding it, perhaps in Preds colors.  Ryan Getzlaf is really pissed that Weber’s growing gratuitous hair while bald guy goes bald.

Tickle Me Weber

It’s necessary to point out that Shea cheated a bit on his beard and started growing before the regular season ended.  This is frowned upon by Max Talbot, who Tweeted when he shaved clean before game 1 so his beard is all playoffs and nothing but the playoffs, so help him Sasquatch.

While Shea is not approaching Fear the Beard status yet, he is so far the most likely candidate for the Brian Wilson Kicks Your Ass Award.  Final voting will take place after the Cup is awarded.  Start tracking your candidates now.  Most likely to NOT win for his beard, even if they win the Cup (and not care because they won the Cup): our beloved Swede, Nicky B.  Seriously, I get more coverage from eating chocolate ice cream.


Enjoy the weekend and check back Monday to see which beards surivive!

Mock All-Star Draft: WUYS Style

27 Jan

Now what kind of hockey bloggers would we be if we didn’t do our own Mock Draft for NHL All-Star Game?  Terrible ones, that’s what kind.

Just to preface, this draft was conducted via Gmail chat and remained mostly civil and professional, with the exception of when Pants drafted Sharp and when Chuck drafted Letang.  Choice , colorful language was used.  There were threats of violence and the removal of earrings and press-on nails before engaging in a girly slap fight.  We learned how from watching Mike Green.

And these guys…

Pants vs. Chuck

We used a very highly scientific method of selecting these teams, which included not only their obvious talent and season performance thus far, but also how awesome their hair/beards are.

So here you go…

Team Pants vs. Team Chuck

(aka Team Staal)

(aka Team Lidstrom)



  • Patrick Kane
  • Martin St. Louis (SQUISHY!)
  • Steve Stamkos
  • Daniel Sedin
  • Henrik Sedin
  • Rick Nash
  • Brad Richards
  • Matt Duchene
  • Paul Stastny
  • David Backes
  • Anze Kopitar
  • Claude Giroux

  • Mike Green (would have drafted him first, obvs)
  • Duncan Keith (aka Duncan Teeth)
  • Dustin Byfuglien
  • Marc Staal
  • Erik Karlsson
  • Brent Burns


  • Marc-Andre Fleury
  • Cam Ward
  • Jonas Hiller

So based on this mock draft, who do you think will win this year’s All Star Game? Who will be the MVP?

Chuck suggested that Brent Burns should dye his beard black a la Brian Wilson of the SF Giants.  Thus it only makes sense he would be on Pants’ team.  FEAR THE BEARD.  And we’re not talking about that Amish nonsense the Staal boys grow during playoffs.

Brian Wilson
(the baseball player)

Brent Burns
(the hockey player)