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Team Sweden

1 May

Paulina Gretzky did male hockey fans a favor by getting frisky all over Instagram this week.  If you heard DC’s Elliot in the Morning today, it was a gem.  But it’s a little unfair, don’t you think?  They get bikinis and we get beards?

Ladies, don’t worry.  Sweden never lets us down.

No really, they help everybody.

We would much rather see this face in the playoffs, but I’m coping much better with the Blackhawks off-season by knowing that Viktor Stalberg must have a cameo in Marvel’s The Avengers.  I bet he’s defeating evil and restoring justice to a world where everyone has access to whitening toothpaste.

Sigh.  Superheros are so hot right now.

Amen and thank you, Brittany. (@kneesandtoews)

Check out which of your favorite NHL players have joined their national teams for the IIHF World Championships here.  The tournament competition starts May 4 and you can follow it here.

Whatever you’re doing right now, it’s not as much fun as watching Viktor Stalberg speak Swedish [video].  I need him (or Hammer, below) to teach me to correctly pronounce all the names in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

Mikey Monday: Move Along

30 Apr

The Blame Mike Green Train has left the station with all NBC announcers aboard.  I hope it derails (off a bridge) and only Liam McHugh’s career survives.

Don't hate him because he's...

Mike had a rough day Saturday.  He was -2 with no points and only 1 shot.  He fanned on a couple of power play set-ups from the point.  His defense was the worst part – Anisimov danced around him for the first goal, then a turnover caught Mike on a line change and he chased Kreider like that chick in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade who falls to her death trying to reach the Holy Grail.

Criticism is warranted.  Mike has not been a factor (1 G, 1 A, both in losses) in these playoffs.  But when Mike Milbury rips on someone I get the urge to punch a cartoon character.  Jeremy Roenick and Keith Jones were on about it again Sunday during intermissions.  They also seemed shocked that Sasha Fierce took two bad penalties.  That one made me laugh out loud.

'You too, buddy?'

I understand they can’t watch every team all season.  I also hope Caps fans don’t take their word for it and forget to have a little faith.  Hell, we’ve been living off it all season!  Green has not been great.  Neither have Ovi, Wideman or half a dozen other players.  We got by Boston in a true team effort, but we’ll need a little showstopper action to beat New York.  Pooh Bear, Piglet and Co. better find their way out of the Hundred Acre Wood.  I expect more and hope to see it tonight in Game 2.

Post-game interviews (Ovi & Chimera goatee duel, Nicky’s curls) here.

It's like a glorious bird's nest. I also love the beard.

Ugh, I’m so optimistic!  I even like Ovi’s goatee for heaven’s sake.  One good series and I feel like we can take on the world.  Caps, please don’t let me be the only one!

Photos courtesy of the lovely & talented Sonia Jin ‏(@lihui815) and there are more here.  Thank you!

Birthday Boy: Jonathan Toews

29 Apr

Happy 24th birthday, Tazer!

Captain Fill-in-the-Blank, fearless leader of the Chicago Blackhawks, is celebrating a birthday.  Do you think he eats cake?  I think he does today.  A whole cake, in front of the TV, yelling at the Flyers/Devils game sounds about right.  I might do the same – you know, in solidarity.  Then we can go to the gym.

The Toews Fan Club meets here every time I post about him, so there’s not much else to say.  Stanley Cup, Conn Smythe, Gold Medal, a lake named after him… he’s had a good 23 years, 365 days.  The Hawks season is over (*sniff*) but Jon and his team will be back in October t0 go again.  Here’s this year’s Last Day of School interview [link].

I know it’s sad, but hopeful too.  It’s the Stalberg one that nearly made me cry (talk about cake…).  Now chin up, y’all.  Once you get past the loss, summer is not so bad…

Last year’s Birthday Boy: Jonathan Toews post, just for fun (and more photos).


26 Apr

I wish you guys could have seen me last night.  In a bar with twelve tables, eleven were filled with Bruins fans.  My dad and I, in my Backstrom shirt, were at the other.  The waiter didn’t bother to ask, he just kept the beers coming.

When Joel Ward scored, I jumped out of my chair and shrieked like we were at Verizon Center.  Me, on my feet and screaming, in a room of forty Bruins fans.  I wasn’t rubbing it in.  I was honest-to-God losing my mind.

I want to ask this team where they have been all season.  I want to know what Hunter says (or doesn’t say) to Ovi when he only plays 16:25.  I want to hug every one of them, starting with Mike Knuble and then Matt Hendricks.

This post-game interview says it all.  Ward hasn’t had a great season.  Hey buddy, who has?!  When it counts the Capitals are suddenly consistent and committed.  [Video]

And to anyone that felt a racist comment was the right reaction to Ward’s game winning goal, you can go straight to hell. [link]  I don’t care what team you root for because no one wants your disgusting behavior acted out in their name.

Back to the party.  Thank you, Capitals, for finally believing the way your fans have believed all season.  Nothing worth having is ever easy, and you sure put us all through the wringer.  This series, and that goal, and this goalie…. thanks for making everything worth it.

Here we come, Round Two!!

PS: Sorry to Chuck, and all our Bruins fan friends.  We know how you feel.  It was a such a great series that I will hate the Bruins with a new passion for the rest of my life.  Funny how that works, eh?  Think of all the fun we’ll have next year because you hate the Caps just as much.

Pants vs. Chuck – The Final Showdown

25 Apr

So here we go.

7:30pm tonight.

Washington Capitals vs. Boston Bruins.

Battle of the Blog: Pants vs. Chuck – The Final Showdown.

Remember back to your history class when they talked about the gun battle at the OK Corral?

Tonight’s Bruins vs Caps game is going to be just like that.

Only with hockey sticks instead of guns.

Pucks instead of bullets.

Skates instead of spurs.

Please note that both of us look pretty good in cowboy hats and you all know that the Calgary Stampede is high on our bucket list.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as we think it will be.

Oh, who are we kidding?

This is going to be torture.

Are you #TeamChuck or #TeamPants?  Let us know on @WhatsUp_YaSieve

Happy Birthday Kris Letang – Disney Prince

24 Apr

Happy Birthday - Kris Letang! It's all Pants' fault!

Since Pants loves to blame her Caps obsession on me, I can only return the favor by blaming my Kris Letang obsession on her. I would have NEVER known about ANY Pittsburgh Penguin EVER if she hadn’t e-mail bombed me relentlessly photos of Kris Letang. And now I am helpless, helpless I tell you.

Um ... did I just see what I thought I saw?

So a WUYS HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY to truly one of Hockey’s greatest, foxiest, sexiest, most awesome players of the game.He never let’s us down. He’s dependable, hard-working, comes through in a clutch (game scoring OT winner with a concussion and broken nose – anyone?)

He’ll drop the gloves and go toe to toe. Although we don’t want that beautiful face to suffer – please – but I have to admit, a black eye is a little hot! Pittsburgh proved they can win without Sid but they can’t without Letang. He’s earned his spot on the roster the old fashion way – hard work.

Seriously ... how does anyone resist ALL THIS?

So while I honestly do wish they were still playing, here’s to Tanger taking a long, HOT summer vacation because that means more shirtless photos! And hopefully another work out video!

If you insist, I'll vacation somewhere warm - again. Just for you.

Happy birthday sex hair! And thanks for not cutting it this year. I was a little worried there.

thanks guys ... love you too!

Cruel Summer – Penguins

24 Apr

For a few days after something bad happens, you don’t want to be cheered up.  You want to drown in a cocktail shaker or eat an entire wedding cake.  If you’re me, you picked a bright orange heavy bag and kickboxed the crap out of it a la Captain America.

Then life goes on.  Other teams win and lose, and to keep me from slipping out of reach after last night’s Blackhawks loss, I need a moment to thank the Penguins for a great season.

Prom Night 2012. They obviously tried to take the photo before Letang showed up, but no such luck. The man even looks good in a ponytail.

The waiting was the hardest part.   I held my breath a lot, exhaling mostly in the form of cheers for for Malkin and Neal and all those beautiful points.  When Crosby was finally back for good, all I could do was sigh.

At the end, the Penguins went a little haywire.  Their top-of-the-line hardware should run like a fighter jet, but somewhere in the programming the machine became human.  Their system fell apart in the first three games vs. Philly and couldn’t recover.  But like the computer you’re on right now, you don’t throw it away when it malfunctions.  You smack it and threaten to chuck it out the window, but really you just shut down, wait a minute and reboot.

Or you go on summer vacation.

To send the Pens off, here are a few things we demand to see this summer.

We Want: James Neal in Glasses

Nealmobile once came a contact lense away from a career-ending eye injury [link].  He could have been finger painting like Doug Dorsey!  Thank God for small miracles.  Where there are contacts, there are glasses, and some super sleuth found them in NHL36:

The old adage “boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses” is not at all true for girls.  We LOVE your glasses (without ever seeing you wear them).  In fact, how dare you deprive us?  Mike Green would never do that.  Since it’s only April and you’re gone, at least give us this.

We Want: Geno’s T-Shirt Collection

We didn’t get enough hilarity out of Geno’s wardrobe this year.  The man alternately shops at Charlotte Russe and the Hustler Store, which can only mean one thing: we can’t wait to see what he’s wearing at the high-roller table in Vegas when he picks up that Hart Trophy.

We Want: Niskanen and Sullivan

Matt Niskanen’s (RFA) middle name is Norman for heaven’s sake.  Sullivan (UFA) fits in on any line and plays like he’s in his twenties.  Sign them now.

We Want: Workout Videos

Show us how hard you’re working, how dedicated you are to the new season.  That’s what these videos are about, right?  Last year we posted Kris Letang’s [link] and you guys all disappeared for a week.  Maybe this year, James Neal won’t be ignored in the Camp Biosteel videos.

I think that’s everything we need for the next five months.  Players eat their Wheaties and do their squats while we save up cash for tickets and merch.  See you all in Septemb…  hahahaha.  RIGHT.

We Want:

Crosby, where are the rest of these pictures?

Caption removed for inadequacy.

And even this.

Neal's going to need a lot of help putting on that SPF 75.

Don’t you feel at least a little better now?