Mikey Monday: Breakaway

5 Mar

The Washington Capitals are a terrible boyfriend.

Don't you look surprised.

They’re nice, with their charity events and their animal rescue calendars.  They’re funny too.  God knows they’re good-looking.  They have a ton of talent, potential and even money.  Your mom would love them. One day your phone is ringing off the hook.  Shutouts!  Power play goals!  Puck possession in the offensive zone (that sounds frisky)!  All sure signs the Capitals are falling for you.  But the next day, they evaporate.  Calls go right to voicemail.  Jerseys and hair products are missing.  You wait and search, but the Capitals have disappeared into thin air.  Just when you’re about to call the cops, an orange scooter whizzes by. You know it was wearing a scarf.


Last night’s game was better than bad, but it wasn’t good.  Even luck won’t give the Caps the time of day.  They had double the Flyers’ shots at one point and some *very* near-misses, but it didn’t last.  It never does.  The OT win against the Islanders, thrilling as it was, was also a miracle. If you have to score 2 goals in the last 4 minutes to tie the game, you’re hanging by a thread.  Hell yes we’ll take the points!  But the Caps are a single 5:04 flurry of scoring (all against the NYI) from being shut out in 3 straight games.

I'm really, really sorry.

I am one Kelly Clarkson song away from breaking up with this s*&%.  Walk Away.  What doesn’t kill you makes you Stronger.  Never Again.  Already Gone.  Beautiful Disaster.

But the truth is, My Life Would Suck Without You.

One more chance?

Yes, you jerks.  I am still here.  And Rae and Josie and a lot of our friends who are probably too good for you.  We’re pretending not to wait by the phone while we ignore Intern Jeff Skinner’s advice on boys.

Tomorrow night is date night, don’t you dare stand us up.

And Tampa Bay on Thursday...

Saturday, 3/3 post-practice video interview [link].

PS: Sasha Fierce celebrated his birthday Saturday by trying to kiss Mike at practice.  Mike was not interested.  I’m so annoyed right now that I can’t even post them, though Mike is clearly thinking, “Nicky hasn’t been gone that long! What kind of girl do you think I am?” Photos are here [link].


11 Responses to “Mikey Monday: Breakaway”

  1. raedanda March 5, 2012 at 11:50 am #

    Oh, Pants. They so are. The emotional rollercoaster that is being a Caps fan is starting to take its toll. Josie & I were exhausted by the 3rd minute of the 1st period just trying to keep up with the annoying Flyers chants and urging our boys along. We sat motionless for a good minute after the game had ended. We promised that we’d stay away from the Verizon Center for a good week before even looking to go to a practice or game.

    But you all know better, we’re going to be there whether they show up or not. We’re in too deep now. 😥

  2. michelle March 5, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    How mad and disgusted am i with the Caps? I had my daughter and her boyfriend watch the FLYERS warmups before the game last night and bring me pix of Gingeroux!

    • Pants March 5, 2012 at 11:58 am #

      Michelle, she was probably sitting right next to us. Warm-ups are fair game. 😉

      • michelle March 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm #

        so warmups aren’t cheating? good to know! wish i knew how to post pix because the ones she took of Gingeroux are so good i want to paper the walls of my ofc with them. yes, it’s unseemly, i could have given birth to him, but there you have it!

        • Pants March 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm #

          If you want to email us your favorites, we’ll post ’em. (pants…at…whatsupyasieve.com)

  3. Lindsay March 5, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    I’m going to be at the Caps game in three weeks (holla for meeting Pants!) versus the Devils. And I’m a little horrified…is it possible/probably/likely that New Jersey will beat Washington?? Speechless.

    • Pants March 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

      If they bring the Zach Parise show to town again, it is. But I can’t believe that they’d do that to you, Linds. Not after you’ve given in to loving them.

      PS: Good for ZP, driving up his UFA price for the off-season.

  4. L March 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

    Pants, I kid you not. As I was reading this, Never Again came on.

    Speaking of bad relationships, the Pens & Bruins (hell, even the Hawks) aren’t much better. I feel you.

    • Pants March 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

      Never Again is playing as I read your comment. If only we controlled the whole universe!

  5. Sue (Scorpiosue1102) March 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    I feel your pain Pants. The Hawks long and winding road trip was like a dagger to the heart. Then Captain Serious is out with a concussion. I swear, if Sharpie or Kaner goes down I will seriously start crying in my Wheaties.

    I watched the game last night and the first two periods were painful. There was a bit of redemption in the the third, but it was a little too late. If there was anything positive at all was the fact that I got to see Troy Brouwer without a helmet. Kinda foxy.

  6. Misty March 5, 2012 at 9:02 pm #

    Last night’s game was the first game ever for my six year old son…what a way to introduce him to live Caps hockey! You’re totally right they’re just like a bad boyfriend. I didn’t even consider it would be a bad ending…until it was all over. My son looked up at me and said, “We lost”. Yep kid, we did.

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