Hey, Over Here!

11 Jan

Thank Heaven for something to save me from last night’s Penguins game.  In a blatant attempt to distract, Captain Frankentoews challenged himself to see how many stitched cuts one can have on the left side of the face. [video]  He got a 2-for-1 last night with a puck to the helmet that cut his forehead:

Only Toews' scars would line up perfectly.

But the real story was Viktor Stalberg’s hat trick.  The first goal (Kane and Toews to Stalberg) made us a little weak in the knees.  Could that be better-looking than the Kane-Toews-Sharp line?  We need #10 back to try Stalberg-Toews-Sharp.  The Earth may not survive that impact, but it’s worth a shot.

Only Jan. 10 and they're making a bid for Derp of the Year.

Stalberg completed his hat trick with an empty-netter and the Hawks won 5-2.  Viktor has 12 goals this season – 7 of those against Columbus.  In just 3 games.  As if the Jackets weren’t having a tough enough time.

All the goals [video] and Stalberg’s post-game interview [video].

He smiled at the puck and it fainted right into the net.

While the Blackhawks are arguably the best-looking team in the NHL, they also have a penchant for the best-looking girls.  If you don’t watch them a lot, you’re probably not familiar with the intermission puck shot contest.  It’s the typical “fan shoots from center ice” game, but the contestants are ALWAYS a man, a kid and a blond.  A hot blond in boots.  I can’t remember if I’ve ever even see a hot brunette try the shot.  Maybe the Hawks already hired them all:

For those of you who follow other teams, who else does this?  I know a lot of teams have Ice Girls, but I think the Hawks girls wear the smallest outfits.  In DC, it’s old guys in track suits.  In Anaheim at least the girls wear pants.  Anyone else? I find it hilarious.  It’s like TV Timeout Vegas every night at the Madhouse.

(For the record, I’d do it.  Sign me up.  Nothing at all against Ice Girls, cheerleaders, etc.  Except that they look good and I’d definitely fall on my ass.)

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8 Responses to “Hey, Over Here!”

  1. Jess January 11, 2012 at 11:30 am #

    I was still on the bus and Twitter exploded with “NOOOOOOO!!!!! TOEWS!!!!” and “So much blood” and “Toews not on the bench” and I legitimately not stop the tears from welling. But I should know better than to worry about Captain Invincible. He will live to But seriously, all of this puck-to-the-face-Edward-Scissorhandsification business needs to stop. I makes me freak out like I’m his mother. Mama Toews must be all “Zhjon-ay-ton! You are ze only handsome son zat ton père and I have! Pleeze protect your beau face, mon petit chou.”

    As for the ice girls, Vancouver has hot girls too, but they’re covered head-to-toe in LuLu Lemon. At least the the Hawks ice girls actually scoop ice and hats. Edmonton has the “Octane”. Nominally cheerleaders but their “Bring It On”ness is limited by the fact they are standing on a tiny carpet on the ice. So they just shimmy their boobs. Cheerleaders at hockey? Really? Football? Absolutely. Basketball? Sure. But hockey? Really?

    PS- Stop it Viktor, I already have enough Blackhawks boyfriends.

    • Jess January 11, 2012 at 11:31 am #

      That was supposed to say “He will live to happy derp like a crazy turtle another day.”

    • Jaime January 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

      Oh the Octane… We have ice girls too in Edmonton. But they’re fully clothed. Oiler shirts and pants. I don’t think anyone really pays attention to them.

      The Octane are just an abomination. I’ve yet to hear of a single person who finds them worthwhile. No one pays attention to them either.

  2. Lindsay January 11, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    When recounting our trip to the United Center in November the first thing my husband tells people is how hot the ice girls are. Well noted, Pants.

    That derp face of Toews is amazing. Happy Turtle is HAPPY! And I’m with Jess – enough, Blackhawks. It’s bad enough that I’m in love with the entire team. This hat trick nonsense is over the top. Slash, keep it comin’.

  3. Cya January 11, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    The Kings have the “Ice Crew” and they wear bikini tops and pants (very odd combo). And there have been brunettes and redheads for Shoot the Puck, they just have to be wearing very high heels and very low cut tops. It’s an Equal Opportunity situation.

  4. Veronica January 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    Not my poor…I mean Toews face!!! Even with the stitches and cuts, he is still HOT!!! I got my Blackhawks Magazine in the mail yesterday from my friend who lives in Chi….hotness on the cover!!! Seriously though, Jonny…STOP messing with perfection…PLEASE???

    In other news, The Hurricanes have The Storm Squad. After seeing what the Hawks girls look like, I actually like the Storm Squad. They are covered with the exception of some skin around the midriff. They are WAAAAAAAAY better than what the Charlotte Checkers have…If there could only be a pole for them to entertain on….YIKES!!! I have seen some of the Hawks girls up close at the convention….they are better looking from far away.

    I agree that there should not be cheerleaders in hockey. There is no need for them. Period.

  5. Cassy January 11, 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    I’m concerned about hypothermia in those girls. I am. Like, srsly.

  6. Stephanie January 11, 2012 at 4:03 pm #

    I was actually at this game, and this is no way to explain the elation that erupts inside as you witness a hat trick live! It was my first one, and I’m unlikely to see another, so I’m glad I got to see Stalberg’s first. He is one beautiful Swede! And Captain Derpface is looking extra sexy with those stitches. Although, I do NOT want to see anymore of them, I was panicking for about 8 minutes when he left the bench, and didn’t relax until I saw him walking back up the tunnel to return to action.

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