Up Close and Personal

19 Dec

I don’t know where the last month has gone and I have completely neglected to put up this guest post by the lovely Jessica W!  Since @amandalitty is going to her first ever NHL game tomorrow – Blackhawks vs. Penguins (way to peak too soon!) – here’s a play-by-play of Jess getting to see her beloved Captain Serious in action.  Apologies that this is outdated but that doesn’t make it any less awesome.

The Oilers Are Not The Canucks (from Nov. 19)

It’s not easy being a Chicago fan in Vancouver, but last Wednesday, I was at Rogers Arena when my lovely Blackhawks put the Canucks on the bus and took them to school. It was a thing of beauty.

 Thinking that I had finally broken my curse, wherein I cannot have nice things such as my favorite team beating my least favorite team, I packed up my Toews jersey and headed to Oil Country. Can we just take a minute to appreciate the frigid beauty that is Alberta?

"Eat your heart out, Fauxnadians!"

After their sexy, sexy win in Vancouver, the 1st-placed Hawks were coming to Edmonton following a rough 5-2 loss to the 27th-placed Calgary Flames. The Oilers, despite their hot start to the season, were looking to end a 4-game losing streak which had landed them in 13th place.

The oldest player on the Oilers roster. (Seriously though, this is my nephew... could you DIE?!)

Here is where I add my disclaimer: I like the Oilers. A lot. I’m pretty sure they are my second favorite team. So, if what was about to happen had to happen, I was glad that it was to the Oilers.

As any good fangirl will tell you, warm-ups are the best part of the game. Usually it’s because you’re allowed to stand next to the glass, even if you have nosebleed seats. If you have have not experienced the warm-ups, I highly recommend it. Because this happens:

Oh HAI Patrick Sharp! Whatcha doin'? Oh, just having a chit chat with the equipment dude and being the HANDSOMEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE? That's cool, please carry on.

And this happens:

"Hhhhhhnnnnggggghhhhhhggggnnnnhhhhh."

Actually, let’s have more of that, shall we?

I suffer from a condition wherein the sight of Jonathan Toews in the flesh renders me a catatonic mess. That is the only thing stopping me from climbing the glass.

Oh, and did I mention I had BALLER seats?

Yes, I *may* have PVR'd Hockey Night In Canada just to look for myself on TV.

Well, as I’m sure you all know by now, after the puck dropped, all H-E-Double Hockey Sticks broke loose. In short, the Oilers played well and the Hawks crapped the bed. It was pretty embarrassing. To the point where my cousin came back after the second intermission, tossed a Taylor Hall jersey in my lap and said “You better put this on.”.  Anyway, Canadian beer is a lot stronger than American beer, so here is what I can remember:

Toews takes face-offs like a boss.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is an ultrasound, but he is really, really ridiculously good at hockey (5 Assists!)

Corey Crawford always looks like he’s going to cry, but when he’s ACTUALLY about to cry? It is quite possibly the saddest thing in the world. It was heartbreaking. If I was going to climb the glass for anything, it would have been to give him a hug.

Don't worry Crow... you're getting on a plane to Vegas in an hour. Go. Have a beer. Look at some naked ladies. You'll feel better. I promise.

Taylor Hall is hot. He shouldn’t be – he looks like an orangutan and a goldfish had a baby. Everything about his face is wrong, but somehow so right.

Ladies love a hatty!

Finally… you guys… Jonathan Toews watches the KissCam!

I wish I could find a nice girl like Kaner did.... *sighs*

Thank you to the lovely ladies of What’s Up, Ya Sieve? for letting me guest-post on their FABULOUS blog! Usually I just spout my nonsense in 140 characters or less on the Twitters (@jfrancesw) and this was my very first attempt at a blog. I hope it was up to the awesome WUYS standard!

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7 Responses to “Up Close and Personal”

  1. Chuck December 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    “Taylor Hall is hot. He shouldn’t be – he looks like an orangutan and a goldfish had a baby.”

    This is true.

    But I’m confused as to how you find this attractive….

    • Jess December 19, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

      Confused is the perfect word. He is confusingly hot. I cannot explain this. It is one of life’s great mysteries.

      Or, the more likely explanation is that I have a crush on every boy.

      • Jaime December 20, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

        It’s true. He looks like a horse, my friends have given him the nickname “Seabiscuit” but there’s something about him. I don’t know what it is.

        I was at this game. My friend and I traded in our Oilers jerseys for our Toews and Kane shirts, and then facepalmed the entire game.

    • Lindsay December 20, 2011 at 1:13 am #

      It’s like your brain looks at him and thinks “Not good” but your hormones say otherwise. You stare at it confused…knowing you shouldn’t find him attractive…but you do.

      Jess should also be rewarded with being able to NOTICE the other team when the Hawks are playing. When I was in Chicago she texted me “Is Taylor Hall hot?” Sorry, can’t see anything when Tazer’s in front of me.

      • Chuck December 20, 2011 at 12:30 pm #

        You’re like those horses with the things on their faces so they only look straight ahead. And yours only points you in the direction of JToews.

  2. carter December 20, 2011 at 12:48 am #

    I legit snort laughed over the orangutan goldfish comment. BLESS IT SO HARD.

  3. Lorelei6903 December 21, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    Great job Jessica! I enjoyed it and your captions were hilarious:) You’ll have to do it again sometime!

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