Richards’ Rangers

2 Jul

The biggest question of the 2011 Free Agent market has been answered. And the winner is… NYR Fan Steph.  The Rangers have given Brad Richards a 9 year deal worth $58.5 million.  [NHL.com]

Other teams that may have asked Brad to dance were Toronto, Calgary, LA, Tampa Bay and Philly.  How the Flyers have any money left after playing Supermarket Sweep yesterday is amazing.  And Tampa Bay, let’s focus on the chicken here: Give us our Stamkos immediately and no one gets hurt.

Richards, who has a confirmed case of Crazy Eyes à la How I Met Your Mother, is a nifty skater with a wicked shot and should rack up plenty of points in the absence of struggling forwards like Chris Drury.  Plus he can share hair product with King Henrick and hey… we’d want to play alongside MStaaaaaal and Mike Rupp too.

Style icons: Vinny, Henrik

I always want to call him “Brichards,” all one word, which my brain turns into “It’s Britney, bitch.”  So we’re gonna call him Britney from now on.  He can be one of her “city boys from New York.”  He’ll be 40 when this contract expires, and promptly put out to pasture with the Red Hat Society Wings.

And thus ends every FA deal we care about, with the exception of Stammergeddon.  But we’re not worried.  The Lightning will give him a blank check and our Life Plan will remain unchanged.  My birthday will be awesome.  Now, when do tickets go on sale?

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One Response to “Richards’ Rangers”

  1. Lindsay July 2, 2011 at 2:37 pm #

    I actually had to turn my iPhone sideways so I could see that photo of Brichards and Vinny larger. Daaaaaaaamn, Pants, where did you FIND that??

    I digress. Actually relieved Calgary didn’t get him – too much money, although I think Feaster is looking a bit foolish for trading away Regehr for….nothing?

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