SkateNet Takes Over the NHL Playoffs

13 Apr

40 years is a loooong time to wait for a shiny silver cup called Stanley.

But apparently, my beloved Bruins won’t have to wait much longer thanks to the interweb…and apparently the SkyNet computers.  Or SkateNet, as I like to call it.

Be careful! It's self aware!

According to sports simulation website Whatifsports.com, the Killer B’s will win the cup with a thrilling, seven-game victory over the Sedin Wondertwins and the Vancouver Canucks.

Using current season rosters and stats, Whatifsports simulated the entire Stanley Cup Playoffs (1,001 times) and the Bruins came away lifting the cup 35.96% of the time. YAY!

What SkateNet predicted…

—> Bruins make it to the Finals by beating the Flyers in six games in the Eastern Conference finals
—> Canucks beat the Predators (!!) in seven in Western Conference Finals

Boston’s path to glory will be carved early, as the Bruins were the only team that ended up taking their first-round series in a four-game sweep. In fact, they won 96.3% of the time in their simulated series against the Canadiens, the highest of any matchup in all four rounds of the playoffs.

Take that, Les Habitantes!

As for the Canucks, they ain’t no slouches. They DID have a 117 point regular season (read: sick nasty crazy good).

Unforch, for them, SkateNet does not predict an easy road to victory.

Although they won their first round series against the Hawks 80.92% of the time, it took them average of six games to do so.

Patrick Kane and his mullet will not go down without a fight!!!

Playoff upsets predicted by SkateNet? You betcha!

Rangers knock off the Capitals!  Dawn weeps uncontrollably and curls up under her Alex Ovechkin snuggie.  Pants buys Mikey a puppy to ease the bitter sting of defeat.

Pet me.

SkateNet also predicts wins for 5th seed Nashville Predators over the Ducks (Hurray for Willy!), the Coyotes (!!!) over the geriatric-yet-really-really-talented Red Wings, the Penguins, and Jumbo Joe and the Sharkies.

Is SkateNet the next World Cup Octopus?  Sweet baby Jesus, I hope so.

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One Response to “SkateNet Takes Over the NHL Playoffs”

  1. dawncherrie April 13, 2011 at 3:04 pm #

    Did Kaner pull a Britteny Spears and go on a bender and try and shave his head only to have Capt. Serious intervene before he could do more damage? Because that is not a hair style in this millenium! Holy Bejesus!

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