Final Countdown

2 Feb

Fire up your synthesizer!  Here we are, post All-Star break and there are 67 days left in the regular season. Since we’re quite used to telling everyone what to do (and being ignored), here are a few things we’d like to offer for consideration:

Penguins: If you stay at #2 in your division and end up the #4 playoff seed in the East, right now you’d face the Capitals in the first round.  This is fine with us. Dawn and I will make up around the July 4th, after one of us is finished gloating about the Stanley Cup.  (Note: LIE. I’m still gloating from ’09.)

Flower stops unidentified Sedin twin.

Canucks: Dawn hates you.  But does it matter when you have 73 points and runner-up Minnesota has 57?  Are you just being greedy?  We suggest a division mercy rule, like middle school softball.

San Jose: WTF is your problem?  Chuck warned you that she is not doing the walk of shame home from your post-season anymore.  With 11 teams separated by 10 points all piled into your Conference between 4th and 14th place, you cannot let this one get away.  We expect a strong finish.

Don't you lie to Chuck.

Chicago: I can’t even talk about this.  I can see how hard you’re trying.  Too hard, maybe.  We need magic not mania.  Soaking your sticks in basilisk venom won’t make them horcruxes for the soul of last season.  (Too much?)  Take a deep breath and just skate.

Carolina: Come on, boys! Everyone loves you now and we promise to give intern Jeff Skinner extra credit for the playoffs.  Feel free to replace Montreal, NYR or Atlanta.

Stammer agrees to only score 100 goals on you. This season.

That said, we’re in no hurry to get to the playoffs.  The season can last forevvvvvvvvver.  Summers are for losers.

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5 Responses to “Final Countdown”

  1. Jackie February 2, 2011 at 12:09 pm #

    bahaha i loved the harry potter reference. it was not too much!

  2. Cassy February 2, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    I hate summer. Too hot, or too wet and NO HOCKEY.

    When I was a kid I went into a depression for 5 months when I couldn’t skate.

    “But Cassy – it’s sunny outside, go ride your bike or play with someone”
    “No, Mom, I’m going to stay inside in the shade reading this book till the rink re-opens and I get my skates re-sharpened. And I’m not taking my parka and shades off either.”

  3. dawncherrie February 2, 2011 at 4:01 pm #

    BUT … then we get to see Ovi in his swim suit! All raise your hands! 🙂

    • Cassy February 3, 2011 at 11:16 am #

      Even more reasonbto hate summer Dawn. I’m European and even I think those skimpy Speedos should be banned.

      I used to pretend I wasn’t with my Dad when he wore his: “who are you again?” “I’m your father Cassy!” “Not wearing those you aren’t.”

  4. Chuck February 4, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Let’s not forget about the Bruins now.

    Timmay Thomas leads the NHL in every goaltending category. (See http://www.nhl.com/ice/statshome.htm#?navid=nav-sts-league)

    The line of Marchand/Recchi/Bergeron has been tearing it UP. They put a serious hurting on the Stars last night 4 fights in first 5 minutes) and are playing some seriously good hockey right now.

    Bergy was Foxy Friday and now he’s playing like man possessed. A coincidence? I think not.

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