Ovi, Overexposed

25 Oct

I can hardly bring myself to paraphrase the Alex Ovechkin feature in November’s GQ Magazine.  Was I expecting something else?  No way in hell.  Was I hoping for a little more, maybe for Dawn’s sake?  I think I was.  Or at least because he stands really close to Mike Green and I’m afraid Ovi is contagious.  This makes me want to put on my onesie pajamas (complete with attached feet), curl up with Sidney Crosby and watch Gilmore Girls reruns while we play Uno and name our goldfish.

I'll say never. And say it again.

Highlight reel – At the end of the article, Ovi brings two women he picked up at a club to a skating rink:

They’re dressed like snow bunnies and have clearly had at least some skating classes between them. A stray thought visits me that Ovie has brought one of them to keep me company, but before I can figure out which one, it becomes rather obvious he’s planning to keep both…[He] takes turns making out with Lera while Olesya documents the proceedings and making out with Olesya while Lera does the documenting. While the calves and the lamb cavort, I hug the boards for an hour and a half. The girls giggle. The whole tableau is a high school nightmare come to life. (Author: Michael Idov)

And this“Each time he sees a pretty girl walking by, Ovechkin shouts “BOOM!” at the top of his lungs.” But it’s not an American girl, because he just called us all fat and lazy.

First order of business - no more feeding the women.

Pretty much the whole article is available at Russian Machine Never Breaks.

Remember back in the summer when Max Talbot called Ovi a douche?  It was really nice of Ovi to back up Max’s story (see disclaimer below).  He scores points and excites the crowd – I will not argue that Ovi is extremely talented and great for the game of hockey. The NHL desperately needs guys with personality, and I am the first to laugh at BizNasty’s Twitter remarks about making “panty soup” and getting lap dances.  Truth be told, this is nothing compared to what a lot of NBA and NFL guys do… but I don’t like them either.  Somehow having our guys seem harmless and likable off the ice (does not apply to Sean Avery) makes it okay that they beat the crap out of each other on the ice.  The NHL gets so little ink in the media, is this really the story we want them to tell? You could argue that without this story there is no story… which is the lesser of two evils?

As I try to decide, I will read this hilariously scathing recap of the article from Yahoo! Puck Daddy’s Greg Wyshynski at least ten times today.

Disclaimer: The Colin Farrell Appeal – Max Talbot would never call you fat or lazy (as a culture).  In fact, Max seems to love all women (Too much? Stop being photographed!) and thus is like Colin Farrell – hot, rich, has an accent, etc.  But his real appeal lies in the high likelihood that he would hook up with you too.  Because no one likes to be left out. 😉

6 Responses to “Ovi, Overexposed”

  1. dawncherrie October 25, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    Ovi has made this comment before so it’s no surprise. It lit up the message boards. He needs a publicist – STAT. I’m the girl for the job! I could put my publicist pants on and keep them on … HAHAHAH! And technically, Americans are the fattest people in the world not that we want to be called out by a Russian in our own national publication. HOWEVER – if you see the chicks he’s been photographed with, they don’t exactly look happy to be with him, so really? Except for the chain smoking, trashy brunette he was chkicken dancing with and she wasn’t exactly a catch. So I’m not exactly jealous of Pebbles if that’s what it takes to catch he eye – I’ll take Mr. Cherrie ANY DAY!

  2. Pants October 25, 2010 at 11:37 am #

    How sweet! Ovi needs someone with a roll of duct tape to shut him up sometimes, but as long as he keeps scoring goals I suppose we’ll give him a visa. As long as he has all his shots.

    PS: I pointed out to Mr. Pants the other day that there’s no way Sidney Crosby knows how to make eggs on naan with lentils, heirloom tomatoes, mixed greens and balsamic reduction for breakfast.

    • dawncherrie October 25, 2010 at 11:58 am #

      So I just had this thought. When we go to San Jose, I coudl wear one of those Sumo blow up outfits, a cap’s half shirt with a blonde wig and then stencil OVI’s GIRL FRIEND on the back? What do you think? hahahahahaha

      • Pants October 25, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

        You are hilarious. But I may not be able to sit next to you. I can’t have Mike looking at you the whole time!

  3. Chuck79 October 25, 2010 at 8:17 pm #

    Ew. I am totally skeeved out by this article.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Squats are the New Black « What's Up, Ya Sieve? - October 29, 2010

    […] would like to applaud the universe for giving us this in the same month that Ovi is featured in GQ, coming off like the greasy villain in a Bond movie.  Stay classy, Chicago. Completing the […]

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