Shanabanned: Intern Jeff Skinner

Intern Jeff Skinner scored his 20th goal of the season last night, and it was a beauty.  Skinner had 31 last season during his Rookie of the Year campaign, but that’s what happens.  More goals gets you more defense.  So use your feet:

But please, don’t use your feet to kick someone.  With your skate blade.  Which Skinner also did during the game against the Blues:

Skinner has been suspended two games for that genius maneuver.  Principal Shanahan explains… link.

When I see a kid in Target wailing and flailing on the floor in the cereal aisle, I think that I’d do that if it were socially acceptable.  But I don’t.  This is such a intern-level temper tantrum.  Maybe he was upset because we give Mike Green the “bad boy” slot in our NHL boyband.  Either way, Jeff needs a time out.

Intern Jeff Skinner gets graphic.

Because Pants asked for it….

Original artwork by Chuck

You likes?

I loves.

I took some creative liberties but I really hope that Intern Jeff Skinner love it too.

 

Intern Desk: Back in Action

Hey, I’m back!  Intern Jeff Skinner reporting for duty!  No one around here seems to care, since Pants was on vacation and leaves again tomorrow for her honeymoon.  Supposedly she doesn’t know where they’re going.  Pretend to act surprised when it’s Pittsburgh.

Come here often?

At least then she can’t keep telling me I should have closed my mouth in the NHL Tonight commercial where I’m pretending to ride the bike.  (She’s watched that far once, by the way – too busy rewinding Stamkos and his cereal.)

I made my comeback at Washington, but Pants wasn’t there.  Then we played the Penguins, where I took a pretty big hit from Crazy Eyes Orpik and had to go to the quiet room.  She didn’t even call!  I know she was watching!  (Editor’s note: She wasn’t.)

Hmmpphh.  James Neal had the game winning shootout goal and was First Star, I bet she called him.

Really? This guy?

We’re still not winning much and I know Pants finds it hard to watch, because she really does like us.  We beat the Bruins, but I promised Chuck and Cassy I wouldn’t mention it in exchange for extra Mexicolas.  We are also tied with the Lightning at 40 points.  I’m hoping that my return can brighten things up around here and offer some consistency.  When we win, we score a lot (13 goals in last 3 wins.)  It’s not too late to get this season back on track.

Want me to sign your yearbook?

You should see him wrap gifts.

Someone leaked the photo shoot from the WUYS office Christmas card!

As you already know, “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” (Seriously, that’s us.)

Thanks to those who emailed/commented/Tweeted us this photo.  We could not have lived with ourselves if we’d missed it.

Foxy Friday: Intern Takeover

Intern Jeff Skinner here – as in the ONLY ONE here.  Where is everyone today?  Jeeeeeez.  One Caps vs. Pens game and the whole place needs a day off to recover.  Since it’s Friday and we all know what that means… well, I’m just keeping this place open by nominating myself for Foxy Friday.  The WUYS girls go crazy for this photo and defy you to find something cuter:

We are having a tough start here in Raleigh, it’s true.  We’re two points ahead of NYI for last place in the East.  But you have to think positive!  I have 11 goals and 12 assists.  That’s #21 out of 738 NHL players.  Things are going to turn around with our new coach and Pants will be really glad to have Eric and Cam back on her fantasy team.

So happy weekend, everyone.  Hold a baby.  Smile with dimples.  And please, someone come back to work on Monday because I draw the line at posting about Mike Green (unless you start paying me).

Intern Desk: While I’m Away…

Intern Jeff Skinner here, writing after my day filling in as Canes head coach.  A belated Thanksgiving to all you Americans. I got left in charge of the office this week, while Pants and Chuck said they were home visiting their families.  Even Cassy ditched me for some some American friends just because they had pie.  It’s my fault to be the token Canadian staff member in the office during an American national holiday! And they don’t even pay me for this.

Guys? Hey guys?

Anyway, I was doing my job and trolling Tumblr for photos, checking all the social media feeds and I saw that Chuck has posted photos of her, Pants and Gator at a Caps game.  Seriously guys? You abandoned me for Ovi?  I had to turn down Thanksgiving dinner at Eric’s for this!

Something's not right here.

Running the office was fun for a bit; I went through the candy stash and ate all Pants’ Watchamacallit bars, then drank Cassy’s Crystal Light.  I drew a moustache on Gator’s secret picture of Stammer (to match his real handlebars) and finally finished all of Chuck’s bagels.  A guy’s gotta live, right?  Then I hacked into Cassy’s TiVO and deleted the Wings v Bruins game, since she didn’t bring me any pie.

That's it - I'm outta here!

Anyway, to get my revenge for not being invited to the game or given the day off, I’m going to get Nealer to crank call Pants at 2am all week and set Chuck’s language preference to Mandarin Chinese.  Good luck Tweeting then!!  I’ll just claim the panda made me do it.

Blame Mike Green.

(Additional reporting by Cassy)

Boss for a Day

Intern Jeff Skinner is off today to stand in as acting Head Coach of the Hurricanes after they fired Paul Maurice this morning.

Hard at work.

With a record of 8-13-4 and EStaal struggling mightily, this is less shocking and more standard than Boudreau going from the Caps.  Staal has only 5 goals on on 89 shots – that’s 2nd most shots in the NHL, absolutely nothing will drop for this guy.  They’ve lost 10 of 14 games this month.

Wikipedia, font of all that is true, already says that Kirk Muller has been announced as the replacement.  We’ll wait till the Canes actually do that before putting Skinner back on fridge-stocking duty.

Intern Jeff Skinner Gets A Day Off

We work Jeffy pretty hard around here, what with all the photocopying and heavy lifting and runs to the store to get our supply of twizzlers and mexican coca-cola.

But today, we decided to give him the day off.

Because when you work THIS hard, you deserve it.

Go Jeffy Go!

Foxy Friday: BioSteel Sports Camp

Okay, they earned it. Videos and photos and… thank heaven for this week.  And for Alyonka Larionov (person I am most jealous of in the world!)’s Twitter photos.  Who said something about Seguin wearing the heck out of a suit? Did you ask for a t-shirt?

That sound you hear is Chuck's lifeless body hitting the floor.

And Stamkos showing off (approved):

There's a "throw me up against the wall" joke here...

I obliged Intern Jeff Skinner and did a single pull-up at the gym yesterday.  Almost popped my shoulders out.  I can plank and run and lift… but not like this.  I get woozy just thinking about it.  Not enough BioSteel in the world to get me through 1/10th of what these guys do.

Impressed yet?

He doesn't even look tired.

What you really want is video of Biz doing yoga in his unders.  You got it.

And hey, look who got 10 seconds of camera time?

Frankly, this is not enough.

So that’s Foxy Friday – the boys working it out because they can’t wait to get back together with you.  Now if this hurricane really takes us all out, at least you saw Biz in his skivvies.

Intern Desk: You Want More?

Not enough, eh?  

Intern Jeff Skinner here – still working out.  I’ve been working out for DAYS.  Hey Pants, where’s Logan Couture this weekend?  Oh right, hosting golf.   You weren’t invited?  Maybe I’ll send you a ticket to the gun show.  Heck, two tickets and you can sit next to my Calder Trophy.

Of course, the better I get the more Stamkos hogs the video by doing twisty things and almost showing his long hair.  Then cue the squealing again when he starts doing squats.  (Seriously, someone hold Gator’s hand.)

On lunch break, over wheat germ and Power Bars, I made a deal with Pants.  Continued BioSteel Camp videos if she does a pull-up at the gym tonight.  Just one.  In return I will steal every hat Stamkos packed.  Wish her luck.